But you may have meant 'who are you inside'? - as in, have I gotten to know myself? Have I learned anything? the answer is yes. It is a sad way to learn things but yes. I did a relationship inventory recently - I've only really had two really multi year LTRs - my wife and then the LTR I had in my 20s. Both relationships fizzled because I 'mentally check out' - not being abusive, not being mean, just generally spending more and more time alone working on my own hobbies - the music, the side business. The weed didn't help, although my former girlfriend didn't think anything of it. And then me being very defensive when asked to sacrifice my 'alone time', justifying it by saying that I spend so much time working I need to 'recharge' - pushing back when asked to go to social functions and activities that would take away from my alone time. Feeling complacent in the relationship, but not wanting to leave because I am comfortable if not totally happy. I think at some point I stopped feeling part of a 'partnership' and become very selfish with my time attention and emotions. I think my ex took this very hard, as a rejection of sorts on my part.
What I want in the future is to grow. Find a way to become a more balanced person with better communication skills and empathy - all without sacrificing time to work on my personal projects, which I really appreciate now that I'm alone. I also want to be more social, put more of a priority on other people instead of myself. Also now that I'm a single father I have to really pay close attention to how I'm handling myself in that regard.
Great post... Spend some time being selfish, do your hobbies and be yourself... Really decide how much of that time you want to give someone else before you find someone else, if you find doing your own thing isn't as fulfilling as sharing your life with someone else, you'll be able to look back on that decision if you find yourself secluding yourself from someone again in the future.. Best to really know what you want before there is someone else.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
