Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #2]

[AndrewP]

I have been afflicted by AndrewP's predilection for mind reading. My brain is buzzing -- not from my doubleshot espresso this morning -- but from the fear of a mini- or midsized-BD.

Hey! I resemble that comment!

Where I am is a "no fault" area as well BUT if you read the forms carefully where I live there are still clauses here for grounds of infidelity or abuse. They are intended to protect people like us and people who get just straight physical or mental abuse without the "other". No doubt your jurisdiction has something similar. Google "abused spouse [my state] divorce form" perhaps.

On move-out day seeing those forms filled out and me handing her my L's card scared the crap out of WW. I filled out the forms myself and got extra cards after my single meeting with the L. I did NOT let her keep the forms (she tried to grab them and searched for them later) but I certainly let her read the explanation I wrote for why I felt that there was infidelity and abuse. I let her keep the cards because I felt that the firm I had picked for that single meeting was one of the top ones in our area for divorce. She had that card for her meeting with her L the next week who had been recommended by the L who does our real-estate stuff (didn't do any research).

Know your rights and make sure you are driving the bus where you want it to go. For me - if WW decides to go to OM, he can have her and the D will go through in a matter of weeks. She can't contest the infidelity - I have accumulated evidence and could theoretically subpoena OM just by naming him in the document.

If you have your forms filled out right and it's not contested it's my understanding that the L and the judge will just rubber-stamp them. From talking to a friend who made all the classic mistakes in his own D as well - the rules around support and custody go right out the window when there's infidelity and even better, financial shenanigans involved. Keep in mind though - this legal advice is coming from another country, not from a lawyer and is probably worth the cookies that doodler keeps promising but never seem to arrive.

If you know anyone who has gone through a messy D that you can trust you may want to talk to them about everything that could go wrong and how to protect yourself. It's helped me and made me more confident.

P.S. - it's a great group of sufferers we have here right now - feels like talking to brothers (and sisters). A lot of pain, sadness, and anger but camaraderie and humour too.