I wanted to respond about what wakes her up. I can't remember which thread I posted to recently about my experience. My H had nothing to do with "my loss" when I was wayward. For me, it was like the timing had led me up to that exact point, and then.....WHAM! Reality of what my wardness was costing me.

It may not be just one specific thing that wakes up your WW (I am speaking to anyone who has a wayward spouse). It may be an accumulation of consequences, before it starts shaking her awake.

From the point of her recognizing her loss comes from her waywardness behavior......to the point of you seeing her change back into the person you married......may not happen in the same 24 hr period. I believe it largely depends on the individual stitch.

For example, I never physically S from my H. Thanks to some people on the DB board at that time who were giving me information I needed. I ended my A and decided to stay with my H. However, I did not apologize to him, and I was not remorseful. I was simply willing to stay. I was very depressed and went through several months of withdrawals from the A addiction. It took a long time before I felt the remorse and could go to my H with a humble heart for what I had done. You see, I stopped overtly rebelling, but I still harbored resentment & disrespect....plus, I had false pride.

I don't tell all of this to discourage you, although, it probably isn't something you were wanting to hear. It's my intentions to help you to understand that her waking up and you seeing your old wife back, takes time. The length of time varies from woman to woman. Your pain and her pain are on different time tables. Your work and her work are on different time tables.

When her fantasy implodes and reality slaps her smack in the face, it can give some serious wake up calls. As long as she sits home and basks in the benefits of the M...without any responsibilities, effort or work.....she is likely to continue feeding her fantasy and reacting in rebellious behavior. If she loses her home and the luxuries her H provided........and she has her children part time........and she has to work for standard wages........I'd say that could make a dent in her fantasy world. But that's just part of it. There are exceptions, but usually, it is the man, himself, that creates the biggest loss for her. Know how? When he walks in the other direction. When her manipulation loses its power on him. When she cannot affect his feelings. You may think that it doesn't matter to her. If so, then I suggest it's b/c she knows she still has you if/when she decides to want you.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!