Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 3)

[JRuss]

Yeah, I've tortured myself with what "next guy" would be like. Honestly, he'd be a lot like me, at least the me that I've turned into. I think she has no faith any of my changes will be permanent so sees me as I was. Which, honestly, is probably fair given the time she had that me and the time I've been new me. I need to prove it's permanent change and not a sudden, ultimately doomed crash course that will disappear soon enough.

I also try to come at it from a different angle, though, one you and I (I think) have discussed previously. I try to draw up a mental list of all of the attributes "next guy" would have to have to represent an honest improvement over what she has currently (or at least will have if she can trust that the changes aren't just a short-term ploy). The list is really long. The problem with that is that, in her mind, as-of-yet-unidentified next guy is perfect. He has no flaws, because she hasn't met him yet, and he hasn't had to spend even a second under her pretty stringent judging system. So I'm competing with Mr. Perfect. Other times I think she just looks at it like a break from the life she doesn't particularly likes, at least when I would have the kids.