My one true and only fault here is not knowing how to listen and connect.
Originally Posted By: SadDad8
I have been accused of nitpicking and being controlling from day one.
OK. So how can you 180 some of these behaviors?
Originally Posted By: SadDad8
I feel like I have resented her for it the whole time
And how about this? How can you change this about yourself? You are making a choice to be resentful. What other ways could you handle this better in the future?
Originally Posted By: SadDad8
allowed it to irritate me to the point where I am irritated all the time
This doesnt sound like you "got over it", huh? Are there better outlets for these kinds of feelings?
Honestly, theres not much you can do with regards to your W and these things right NOW. However, I would recommend looking at some of these behaviors and seeing if they are how you want to choose to live your life going forward. How can you be a better SadDad?
Some things I have read recently have made me think about how our relationship was saturated by a vicious cycle of disrespect and/or inconsiderateness (I guess that is a word!). At one point, early in the relationship, I suppose I did nitpick a lot. She is a slob and while I'm no neat freak, I do like to be able to walk into the kitchen and cook something without having to clean it first, or maybe have a place to sit and watch TV without 8 million toys, papers, articles of clothing jamming me in the a**.
Having said that, she rebelled tremendously when I expressed my frustrations. I have learned to let a lot of things go in that area, but still, I have requested very reasonably, that the common areas like the kitchen and living room be somewhat picked up so others can enjoy it. Apparently that makes me a control freak.
I truly believe that her past relationships and abusive controlling mother have affected her entire perception of this type of thing.
Yes I need to change how I react to this kind of stuff. That is on me. However, it is very difficult to maintain appreciation and respect for someone that doesn't give it back to you. And that is how I have felt this whole time.
I do not know how to change this. I do not know how to better handle it. I have tried many different approaches, but I cannot deny my feelings. Maybe this is where CBT would be helpful? (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
