Husband just told me he is moving out.

[Mombear]

Thanks, cat04.

So we went through a lot last year. We moved to a new house, and of course moving is extremely stressful. It is our "forever house" until we retire and move out of this area. I should note that my husband is very goal-oriented - he always likes to have an objective he's working on or striving towards. Saving up for this house had been a big one.

He also got a promotion at work, and it is the last promotion he'll ever get (works for the government and this is the senior most position he can have). He's only 38. This was exciting for a few months, but as he adjusted to the new workload, he started sleeping less (like maybe 4-5 hours a night at most), doing work more often at home, getting short tempered with the kids.

Around this time, I had some medical issues with my thyroid pop up. This made me very tired, and I tended to take naps on the weekends until my medication got sorted out. At the time, I didn't think too much of this, but in his own words, he said "I thought you were leaving me." He does have abandonment issues that go way back to his childhood.

We started marriage counseling, but the counseling was unproductive. It started out with a focus on one of his coworkers who I thought he was having an EA with. It turns out he wasn't, but he was definitely without a doubt heading in that direction - talking to her about our marriage, etc.

I was devastated and cried my eyes out about the EA, believing there was more to it than what he revealed, but it turns out that there isn't/wasn't. Then he turned very angry and started blaming everything in his life on me - that I don't make him a better person, that I am not competitive enough for him, that I'm not enough of a go-getter, etc. I did not even RECOGNIZE this man . . .we've been married 15 years at that point and he had never insulted me ever in our lives.

The church that we had been attending also cancelled our worship service and most of our social support system scattered to the winds with that. We tried to find another church home, but nothing has really worked since then.

By the time I realized that the abandonment issues from his childhood were such a big piece of the puzzle, he was already out of the bedroom, searching for apartments, setting up bank accounts. We haven't been to counseling together since late June.

He signed a lease and will be leaving sometime in September.

Hope some of these details help!