Job, I'll keep my "comings and goings" under the radar until I have a clear direction and understanding of what needs to be done.
You are so right. He couldn't live the life he's living right now without me managing his business here and depositing his paychecks for him. In that respect, he's had the life of Riley and will be very angry when I head in a direction that threatens that.
The thing is, if he decided to come back, I don't think there is any way he could ever convince me that his return was for any other reason than money and his desire to keep me working in the business. And I can't imagine ever just accepting that he did something nice for me and not have this suspicion that he's playing me because he wants something from me.
Gwen and bttrfly, you are both so right about separating the business vs the personal. I tell myself frequently when thinking about the business end that it's just business ... we are just two partners working out a business deal. Nothing else.
On the personal side, when I consider his behavior, especially the drugs and assaulting people on the side of the road, I know I simply don't want that kind of person in my life. It boggles my mind that he's become the person he has. I'm beginning to think that money and business success brought a monster to the surface.
I don't want to continue working with him and I don't want this kind of guy in my life, but it's still difficult to embrace the direction I'm going. This isn't the direction I would have chosen for myself. I feel like I've been hurled down this path by H and I'm forced to accept it and make the best that I can out of it.
I try to remind myself that many have been in this place before and survived (and even prospered) and I will do the same.
One of the most difficult things to get past is I feel like I've been used and when H decided he didn't "need" me anymore, he tossed me aside and walked away. Unfortunately for him, I think he realizes he was little premature and is trying to control things to his benefit.
I'm still sorting out why I would let someone use me like that and not see it for what it was. I suspect I did realize what was going on years ago, but chose to stick my head in the sand and ignore it. The question is why? I'll keep exploring that.
Anyway, H called last night while I was eating dinner. It's the first time he's called here since he left and it was 5:30am where he is. He asked how my little stay-cation was going and I said fine and turned the convo to business. It was a brief call and he hung up fairly quickly saying he was sorry he interrupted my dinner.
The call was followed up with a text saying he needed a place to stay when he comes back and would prefer to stay here, but would get a hotel if that's what I wanted. He asked me to think about it.
I did and decided to say okay. My reasoning is that if he stays at a hotel, he'll charge it to the business since in his mind, he's "traveling" for business. I'm pretty sure the tax man would frown on that deduction and I really don't want to get into an argument over that. I have bigger battles to fight.
So I replied to his text this morning with "Staying here at the house is fine." Nothing more.
He responded, "Thanks. I'll manage a permanent solution asap."
I didn't respond.
I want to thank everyone for their support and encouragement. You have no idea how much I value my "family" here.
xoxoxo 2T
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013