Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 3)

[JRuss]

Thanks to all who posted overnight. Lots to read and think about.

ForGump -- my IC is primarily focused on my recovery from depression, not my marriage, per se. She is not egotistical at all, but I do think she thinks divorce is not as bad as I do, or that it poses as big of a potential threat to children as I do, probably because its her business and life's work to help people through those sitches, and she's had success doing it. She'd admit if pressed, though, that not everyone she's tried to help has been helped; not all outcomes were "good", etc., and, for me, that's the deal breaker. My family will only go through it once, and there's no guarantee one or both of my kids will sail through unaffected. Cue fear, anxiety, sleeplessness and pain in JRuss' stomach.

sandi2 -- great stuff. I think I'm starting to understand what detachment is, but it seems sort of a zen thing in terms of getting there; like it just happens. Is anyone aware of techniques, materials, maybe meditations that might help those of us in this boat to get from point A (not detached) to point B (detached)?

One thing I'm going to start doing, and its an outgrowth of my meditation practice, is everytime I notice myself trying to mind read, or feeling bad because my W's ennui is palpabale or she's sleeping on the far edge of the bed -- whatever -- I'm going to say to myself "Drop the Rope". I suspect I'll be doing it a lot, but maybe it will help.