Goals? I keep thinking too general and not specific enough. Can anyone share their goals so I can get an idea? I do need a focus and then when I become unfocused I can look at them and remind myself of the path. Right now, I don't have that.
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
I would think at this delicate point goals are small and simple, and not long term. Like: Make it through X amount of time without obsessing over H (or any aspect of a communication you had with him, etc.) Make hours or halves of days or even days that you don't obsess about him.
A daily exercise activity. Within that, maybe a goal-- Mine is a pull-up. I am not sure I can get there, but I try every time I am at the bar. (pullup bar, not drinky bar).
Is there a class you might want to take? Something you want to learn how to do? Coding, knitting, gods-eye making, sailing, surfing. These are great skill-goals, you won't regret learning something.
So yeah, one pull-up.
me 42 H 32 T 7yr M 6yr BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY Separated 7/2016
Thx Altair. Good suggestions. I do kayak but that's out now due to my healing from the atv mishap Sunday. I have many interests, hobbies and 24th nags to do on the farm but WH obsessing had taken over. No more. I read 30% of a codependent book today after IC. Bought a couple of other books at a used book store and listened to some inspiring CD in the car. Will let u know goals as I set them.
WH texted me midday wondering how I was since we both slept poorly and short on hours. I said maybe I have to empty my brain before bed. He suggested journAling. We'll see. Home now, eyes burning and off to nap.
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
All true cherry. Why do we fight it? Why the rollercoaster on our part? I don't want or need an answer. It's just a turning point and wishing I didn't have to do this. I will be better for it and used to be better so I know I can do it if I can stick to it and be consistent. Small steps. The codependent book talks a Lot about detachment, wow.
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
Goals... - No looking out the window waiting for him to come home tomorrow. - Read a chapter on codependence. - Self care Thursday will be going for a twenty min walk - no texting wh tomorrow. - get busy in my sewing room and be busy when he comes home
Too much? Very short term and renewable daily.
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
Hi Buxom, great to see some goals from you. Just one comment that Lady V once made. If you can see detachment as less about 'being detached from him' (ie: still about him.) And more about re-attaching to your own life, might that help?
Even though three of your goals are about not looking out of the window for him, texting him...they are still about him. Can you reframe most of the goals so they are about you?
Doing well though.... :)x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Soto, wow, good observations! Had not thought of it that way. Will get back to the planning board for revisions.
WH invited me out to lunch after my Dr appt. Tomorrow is my biopsy to see it the cancer has gone to the uterus etc. I was happy to go and I named the place. It was nice e crept he was in a mood after a bit. I was able to just observe and not as I questions or feel responsible. It wasn't about me. I looked great tho! Cute sundress, make up, hair done, perfume and smiles. Light convo about our son getting a new job and his work etc. I told him if he didn't feel up to taking be to hospital tomorrow for the biopsy, I did have a back up plan. He was quick to want to help and I repeated, well since you have to work I did make other arrangements. He maintained he wants to take me. Darn, I was hoping he'd back down.
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
Revised Goals... - No looking out the window waiting for him to come home tomorrow. I have to stop some bad habits. - Read a chapter on codependence. - Self care Thursday will be going for a twenty min walk - spend time with S18 cooking supper - get busy in my sewing room, planning projects. - watch a movie in bed before bedtime
What other goals do others have to share?
Me54 WH48 S18 D16 M 22 T 24 EA-PA-EA 2011-2015 Separated 10/14 - 06/15 BD1 02/14 BD2 05/16 BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again Working on me and liking me again
