What should I be doing (Working toward D 9)

[RSG]

As usual, Sandi says it well. I can see you still have plenty of love left for this woman, but you cannot accept the possibility of being hurt again. Yes, your W seems to have an idea she wants you too and that your anger and actions turned her off. I see how you believe that's selfish, you DID act out but why? Because she lied, was still in an A while trying to reconnect, hid it, lied when confronted, created elaborate scenarios to go see the dbag and doesn't have much if any remorse about it.

I am glad you made the effort as CBT said, and Sandi is probably right about moving our and cutting contact. That said, I get your choice. We all have an irrevocable boundary and she crossed yours.....