I second what lfm is saying. One of the things that frustrated me so very much when I first came to this board was how many people just kept offering the same basic introductory things without considering that indeed each sitch is unique. They may have been right but it all seemed to stark and formulaic.
If I may, gentlemen, I would like to join the conversation. In response to what was said above, I would like to add my thoughts, too. I have learned from experience that a newcomer would read advice in another thread for another board member.........and the newcomer would take that piece of advice to apply to his own situation. If anything was said to the newcomer about he should or shouldn't do it, he would say, "Well, that's what I read on so & so's thread.
I agree that every person's situation may call for more personalized or individual advice, however, if it is that far from the usual basic DB advice initially given, then it needs to be specified....so as not to cause confusion to others. Whether we call ourselves the softer or tougher, it should at least resemble DBing. Look how MWD wrote the overview of the steps in DR, before she started to emphasize on certain situations.
As for as offering the same introductory type of advice, most everyone in the newcomers section are......well, a newcomer. A few may be venturing out to post to another member for the first time, and don't really know a lot to say......or they may advise what they have read from someone else. I feel like many respond to let that newcomer know people are seeing him reaching out for help. FWIW, I use to be one of the first to respond to a newcomer, and I would type a post that would be ridiculously long (hard to believe, huh?). Then I would check back later to find the newcomer had never returned after his first post! IDK.....maybe I scared him away!
I can understand what you are saying and how that might be frustrating to an anxious newcomer waiting for help. I don't know that we could finely tune a newcomer's first couple of posts enough to give him some advice that would not be considered "general" or basic DBing. In fact, all newcomers don't tell enough of the information we would need (in their initial posts), in order to determine they need advice pertinent to just their situation.
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In all seriousness, I think the thing everyone needs to keep in mind is that there are a lot of different views on all of this, some are more firm than others, some are more soft. The thing is that while a lot of us have simmilar stories and situations, that doesn't mean our spouses are going to respond the same way to the same actions.
That's true, and although you may not recognize the alien in your W's body, you still know her better than anyone else. When I first joined, there were several who promoted exposing the cheater to EVERYONE. The relatives, town, church, schools......you name it! Although I have been able to see a few cases where the families needed to know the truth.........it would not have worked if my H had exposed me before the world! I would have left town and maybe committed suicide. IDK, but I was not in a healthy emotional state.
On the other side of this subject, let me tell you something I've seen several times. I have seen newcomers who were attending IC, MC, calling DB coaches, and reading every relationship book/program and every MR forum they could find........and then respond to us, "I'm so confused b/c that other forum said such & such, and [i]you are saying something different"[/i]. I mean, seriously? Every book, forum, coach, and counselor in the world are going to give the same cookie-cutter advice? Every author who writes about MR, is going to say every thing the other author is saying in his book? Why do people think they are going to get the same advice world wide? If everyone gave the same advice, then why would that newcomer continue to grab everything in sight, to see what the next person or website advised about MR's?
Much of what is said on the boards, come from personal experience. Some are great advisors about MLC. We have some here who have brought light to spouses of abuse. If you do nothing but stick around to read threads, you'll begin to learn by observation.
Anyway, I've written another book.......so, I'll close for now.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
In response to what was said above, I would like to add my thoughts, too. I have learned from experience that a newcomer would read advice in another thread for 
