Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #2]

[JRuss]

Seems like re the DIY paperwork, you get at least one reminder nag before she'd run out and lawyer up. You can then look it over at the pace that suits you. Maybe even put one of those alerts in place that prevents withdrawals from your accounts above a certain amount so that you at least know in real time if she's trying to write a big L check.

I sense, though, that maybe a part of you thinks it might be a good idea not to aggressively fight her but to instead let her put her own neck into the noose of her own making. Just based on what you've said previously, she maybe needs to experience the hardship -- or at least be advised as to the gory, much less comfortable details -- she'll face if she gets what she thinks she wants. It might make her stop and take stock of what she has, instead of focusing only on what her life and her marriage isn't.

That's the holy grail, isn't it? Getting to that changed way of looking at the world? We LBS may have gotten unhealthily attached, we may have stopped living our own lives as we started to understand our spouse was pulling away, but the one thing we never stopped doing was elevating in our minds/hearts the good in our spouse and affirmatively choosing not to stew on the bad. It seems like that's all it takes to get Rs back on track -- that one (big) shift back. But it's a lot.