A WW? (3)

[lt0402]

ok, the note. I left it on the counter, but snapped a picture of each page w/ my phone this morning before work to read it. Here goes:

"You know I have done nothing but take care of D for the past 10 yrs. Her clothing, mes, food, field trips, school forms, dr/dentist, asthma plans, and allergies. Taken her all sorts of fun places. Stayed up w/ her when sick, spent a year of my life not sleeping when I was researching why she was sick all the time. I book her camps, drive her friends to art, and take them out for ice cream. My R with D is amazing. I handle homework, all meals and snacks. Bear with me bc there is a point, this is NOT a dig on you."

"I have done lived, breathed, done nothing but love and care for D for 10 yrs. I know this is sometimes a bad thing, and my being so overprotective has been a major reason why our MR is so screwed up. However, I would NEVER do anything to hurt her. It's very, very important you understand that fully, so take a moment to let that sink in."

"She is now, and has been since D was born, my only priority. My whole life. No girls night, no out of town trips, nothing. I know that's not healthy, trust me, but she is the only thing I care about. My only priority. I've never been selfish, said I was too sick/tired to care for her. Even when I was too tired to find the grocery store, I held it together and did 99.9% of her care. All w/ no sleep, little help. Take a minute and let that sink in. It's important."

"I'm trying my best to not sound angry, but you need to remember we've been feeling like you don't care for so long, we both kind of gave up on you. I'm sorry for that, but I can't fix that now. But for you to even make the implication I would ever, ever "blow up Ds life" as you like to put it, over some text msgs w/ OM is quite possibly the most insane and irresponsible thing you've ever said. Think about that for a sec. You are aware I'm not that kind of person. You are aware I'd never hurt D. For you to believe, even for one sec, I'd cavalierly end 11 yrs of MR over what is not even close to a relationship is crazy. Esp. considering I made no plans to see OM until after we were clearly S. You are also wrong about what happened. If you are saying 5/31 is the date of S, which it wasn't, I still made no plans to see OM before then."

"You have read the msgs, right? You read them, so you know nothing happened when you and I were technically M. You know nothing happened before I told you it was over. You know that wasn't even a thought in either of our heads. No plans were even hinted at until into Jun. Also the nights away from home were spent w/ a large group of people. Feel free to give them a call."

"You go out of town all the time. Wherever and whenever you want. D and I don't always know where you are. I was gone less than 24 hrs. Not to mention before that date, even as far back as 2014, that our MR was over. This winter I told you we'd eventually be living separate and I was one and we were not ok, and you changed nothing. In April, I said to you that D wanted you to move out of house bc it was better when you were gone for her and you changed nothing. I said it was time to think about living apart and you did nthing. Even were I not open to "communication" you made 0 attempts to fix this sitch, even w/ D. Also, I asked several times what you thought, how you wantd us to fix things, etc. You always said "I don't know". I'm aware we both screwed MR up, but I never relayed anything other than I was done. Never. Not a single time."

"You agreed to separate amicably. You can get pissed about the sitch if you want, but don't ever claim the R w/ OM was what ended our MR. It's not true and not fair. I would NEVER hurt D like that."

"I'm not even talking to OM right now. I had no intention of dating him. He lives out of state. I'd never be so careless, reckless, and stupid to mess w/ Ds life over that and on some level you have to know that. Say what you will about me, but never call me a bad mother. You simply know that's not true. It would be different if I hadn't let you know it was over before then, but I did. You chose to ignore it. I can't help that."

"You've ignored D and I so much over the years, we both felt like you did not care. We told you that over and over and still you didn't care. It literally never occurred to me you'd care about separating or what the h$ll I did w/ my life. D and I told you so many times. D and I told you it hurt us. We told you it wasn't ok. We begged and pleaded w/ you. D and I cried. It would have been so easy to fix that part you know? I informed you a LONG time ago, you get out of us what you give us. You could have just paid a little attention to your D. You could have taken care of the yard. If you'd just written a post-it note instead of getting mad at us for asking. I know my bad attitude made it all so much worse, but D and I both feel the same way about how you treated us. Not just me.

"D was so upset she cried to her teacher and she was upset enough to cry to you, and you still did NOTHING. Stop blaming something that wasn't part of the problem. This MR ended years ago. Accept that. Maybe we could have gone to MC 5 years ago, but you need to accept it was too late by Christmas when I said it was done. Never once did I sugarcoat it. Never did I say anything other than it's over and you need to fix things w/ D, which you didn't. I wish we'd done ALOT of things differently, starting when D was born. Please know my overprotectiveness was only 50% my problem. I felt that I could not count on you and in turn I felt that I couldn't count on anyone. You can clearly see I'm working on that now though. I'm letting her swim, do sleepover, and letting her be a kid. I really am trying."

You made progress w/ D, but then went right back to your old ways but you can still fix that. I know you already know this, but you only get so mancy chances w/ D and she's told you basically, enough is enough. You have a chance to fix that. If you want to go to counseling to fix our communication problems, I'd be open to that, but NOT to work on our MR. Our MR was over a long time ago. We only need to be able to communicate w/ each other and be parents. We have to be able to go to her plays and school stuff w/o stressing her out. Accept that and let us both move on. D will be ok if we can be decent human beings and coparents. Think about that before you do anything, ok?"

"You have been going places w/o telling us, getting new clothes, and making secret plans for dinner. If you think your life is none of my business, which it is not, stop making mine your business. It is not. We are not married. We are separated. If you think it's ok to act like that, don't turn around and expect different from me. If you want me out of your stuff, stay out of min. That's insane. It is a complete violation and you know that. You say you can't trust me, but D and I have told you over and over we don't trust you. Stop expecting to be treated better than you treat us. It's not fair. You have been made for 6 weeks, we have been mad for 6 yrs. Remember that."

"Take a moment to thing about all this. It is not coming from a bad place, I just need you to keep things amicable for Ds sake. I know we can be adults. D will be fine if we do it the right way. I am most certainly not "imploding her life", I'm trying to fix it."

"When you're ready to discuss w/o yelling, I will listen and speak like an adult. Seriously."