Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 3)

[JRuss]

I think this may be where the distinction b/t WW and WAS might matter. I think it's very, very hard to "break" the waywardness of a WW without, as sandi2 puts it, a significant "loss". Which is next to impossible when you live in the same home and are trying to make it look like everything's fine for your children's sake. There's such an element of anger/resentment in those situations, along with a seemingly uncontrollable need to act out, that the mere sight of you -- even if it's a remade, 180'd, GAL-ing machine version of you --- just drives them further into whatever it is they really want to do.

Where your S is WAS, however, but hasn't physically "walked away" yet, maybe just a $hit ton of GALing and 180s could work. It seems that the main attribute of a WAS is that, in her mind, she worked very hard to save her marriage, but it didn't work (uhh, mainly because you didn't tell us????!!!!!!), and she quit and doesn't think she could ever be persuaded that we can or would do the things that would allow her to recommit to the relationship. Quitting can be changed, I'd think, especially if you are really nailing the things that caused her to fall out of love with you in the first place.

At least that's what I tell myself, and why I always find myself trying to reaffirm for myself that my W is "only" WAS and not WW. But I have no idea if that's right.