Very close to giving up

[Jug]

Well, I don't have a clear enough picture of the MR, yet, other than she's having an EA. You said she absolutely refuses to end contact with the OM? What does she say about the M? Is she saying she will not work to save the M? Has she asked for a D?

Did she actually say she wanted an open M?

Since finding out about the package not being what I thought it was, I have changed plans for now about physical separation. Will talk to a L tomorrow about financial separation. Not set on doing that but want to be informed.

If you do not want to S, or you aren't ready......then don't. How long has your W known that you were aware of the OM/EA?

Tell me more about the MR and the attitude in the home. Before you noticed her being on the phone so much, what was it like when you would get home from work?

Did you see a change in her attitude, around the time she started spending more time on the phone........or has it basically stayed the same since marrying her?

Do you and W come from similar backgrounds? Did each of you have good role models that actually lived in a healthy MR?

You said you both had counseling, but did you seek counseling specifically for the "bad sex" problem? Would she express her feelings toward physical intimacy......or just try to get through the act as quickly as possible, and avoid as much as she could? Has this been the one major obstacle in the relationship, or were there other things (before OM)?

Has she ever told you about any abuse in her childhood, or some tragedy, horrific experience that happened to her?

Sorry for all the questions. I would feel better knowing a little more information about the relationship, before giving specific advice. You may be tired of talking about it, due to your seeking several resources, but don't give up. Stick with us, okay

So her stance is that she refuses to break contact with the OM as she says that I am "unstable." This is her word for not sleeping and being sad after being told ilybinilwy and also finding out about the A. I didn't yell, hit, or break anything.

She claims that she wants to have a romantic marriage and family with me more than anything but doesn't see that it's possible. She brought up the open M thing. The morning after finding out about the A, I wanted to move on a D and she put the brakes on. It does come up though.

She spent a lot more time on the phone since our son was born as she nursed and had him sleep on her a lot. The dynamic that she says led to this was me getting home from work crabby and only being critical when I spoke to her. Before our son was born, we did more stuff together and talked.

Neither of us have great role models. Both of us have overbearing fathers. I have tried to not be like mine and she has not allowed anyone to treat her in any way like he treats her mom. I don't believe there is a history of abuse other than being overbearing.

Sex was as you described with avoiding and always trying to get it over with. We went to counseling for it years ago and gave up as it was ineffective. Her current therapist is actually a sex therapist. Ww claims that her focus before was on her low drive but realizes now that it was about me and how pushy and not listening I was. It didn't help things but it's hard to say whether it was our major obstacle. It could be argued that it led to my crabbiness and focus on my hobbies. I do own that I wasn't appreciative enough of her. I know that I have a lot of the characteristics that you write about like conflict avoidance and being passive aggressive.

Thank you for your help and I will stick around. I look forward to your guidance!