What should I be doing (Working toward D 9)

[sandi2]

I really think being physically separated and not having contact, could go a long, long way in this case.  She has said from day one that she didn't want a D.  I understand the reasons behind your decision, and I certainly don't blame you.  I just believe this M could be saved if the two of you were to spend sufficient time away from each other......and more importantly, if she would choose her MR over the firefighting.  

She's right.....too much has been said.  Nothing has been resolved, and now she's going to say she can't forgive what you have done & said.  You have given her ammunition to fire back at your head.   

Since you work together, I think you should find another place to work.  Maybe moving to another location would be good for you.  Whatever, I think you need to go completely dark on her.  When her fantasy crumbles, she may find you and want to try again. It may take a couple of years, and you may or may not be interested.

I don't think she is going to leave the academy!  She has made that point very clear!  If she left anytime soon, she would be so bitter at you, that the MR wouldn't have much of a chance.  I am going even further to say that I have doubts the M can reconcile as long as she's connected in any way to the FF's.  I think she is so caught up in that world, that it feeds every emotional need she has, currently.  I'm saying that even if OM moved to another country, I don't think it would cure her love affair with the whole firefighters family thing.  I don't think it's just about OM.  I think she was drawn to him b/c he's a FF!  I'd be concerned that even when she and OM end their A.......she'll be finding her next FF lover.  As long as she's in that tight little world....I believe it's a strong, romantic temptation. I don't think it's just the OM/affair that is her addiction.  

Remember the night she lied about studying, and she was at the station fooling around with a couple of other FF.  You didn't see her doing anything openly wrong.....but she LIED about it.  You have said several times how pretty she is, and I have to wonder if it were all women hanging out at the station if she'd be staying that late at night, just kicking a ball around......and flirting....I mean, talking to the guys.  When a woman is married and has a sixteen year old boy and a H at home......why would she go to the office and work all day, then go to the station and "study" till very late......if she was not getting some type of attention she wanted?  If I recall, you were watching from a distance, right?  So, yeah, I think she's caught up and having an emotional fantasy affair in the world of firefighters........and she's getting something in return. Whatever it is, she has chosen it over her M and family.