Well, I don't have a clear enough picture of the MR, yet, other than she's having an EA. You said she absolutely refuses to end contact with the OM? What does she say about the M? Is she saying she will not work to save the M? Has she asked for a D?
Did she actually say she wanted an open M?
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Since finding out about the package not being what I thought it was, I have changed plans for now about physical separation. Will talk to a L tomorrow about financial separation. Not set on doing that but want to be informed.
If you do not want to S, or you aren't ready......then don't. How long has your W known that you were aware of the OM/EA?
Tell me more about the MR and the attitude in the home. Before you noticed her being on the phone so much, what was it like when you would get home from work?
Did you see a change in her attitude, around the time she started spending more time on the phone........or has it basically stayed the same since marrying her?
Do you and W come from similar backgrounds? Did each of you have good role models that actually lived in a healthy MR?
You said you both had counseling, but did you seek counseling specifically for the "bad sex" problem? Would she express her feelings toward physical intimacy......or just try to get through the act as quickly as possible, and avoid as much as she could? Has this been the one major obstacle in the relationship, or were there other things (before OM)?
Has she ever told you about any abuse in her childhood, or some tragedy, horrific experience that happened to her?
Sorry for all the questions. I would feel better knowing a little more information about the relationship, before giving specific advice. You may be tired of talking about it, due to your seeking several resources, but don't give up. Stick with us, okay?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
