AWESOME WEEKEND !!! ... and he's making plans for more. From wiley
Quote: He's initiating doing things with you on a more consistent basis and thats a good thing, guess you just see where it goes....NO EXPECTATIONS..
It gets tough to do when you start see sooo many positive coming from his direction, but Wiley said it perfectly. This is where you keep stringing those good times together into something H will realize can be for keeps in his vision of the future. Appreciate the "now" ... embrace what he is giving you now ... soak it up without any urge to wanting more.
Quote: I do know I've evloved more than H....but he seems to be trying!
It does seem like he is trying to catch up!! Let him lead you thru the discoveries that he is making.
Hello..KAW,Wonder, Nik, Wiley,Holdingon, Slowly..and all.
I am so grateful for all your continued support. This is such a safe harbor for me to air out my thoughts and journal to such wonderful, trusted ciber-friends. Thank you.
H called this morning to ck in on his way to the airport. He has a day trip to the east coast. He small talked for a while....then asked how I was doing. I said I'm doing great, was waiting for a client to call, so might have to hang up quickly. (which was true!)
He asked what was new. I gave him tidbits about our S and his job, friends, etc. He liked that. He asked about the dog. Then went on to ask if I was free Fri afternoon. I said I had clients until mid-late afternoon. He asked if he could come out around 3pm, beat the rush hour. He said, if you're home, maybe we could go hit balls or play 9 holes. (This is our new recreational pursuit together). I said I could probably make that work. We could talk later in the week.
He was sooo friendly, chatty....like old times. It's like we are building a trust again, from a distance. He has not brought up any big future talks....just plans for the next 2-3 weeks. So....I'm trying hard to DB, yet offering him safety....no rejection. It's that fine line or tightrope that KAW refers to. Gently, but cautiously allowing H to pursue....and he seems to be feeling good about all of our interactions. He seems to want me in his life more and more.
It reminds me of our early days of dating....yes, way back when!!!!
I still have my boundaries and standards for a future M that is alive, dynamic, honest, passionate and fully open in communication. I will not accept less. This is the new M I expect one day....with or without H. I deserve it all, cuz I am willing to give all of that and will NOT accept anything less.
Ok...enough already Mooka....we get the point!
I'm continueing on my spiritual journey, which is so key for me. That's a daily thing that is very alive inside me, and I am so grateful. People that know me well, can see that light, holding me strong. I love it!
Just stopping by to tell you how happy I am that things seem to have taken for your sitch. You deserve a lot of the credit, keep doing what works to get him to continue to do 90% of the pursuing..
Might be a good time to brush up on the section in the LRT section Divorce Remedy (somewhere towards the back of the book I think..) that gives you some suggestions as to how to handle a WA that seems to be turning back towards the M again..Its sound advice and I'd suggest you follow it so that you maintain an even keel..
When you are with him, you come off as being non needy, happy, confident, FUN and non pressuring, thats WHAT WORKS. And when your get togethers are done, you simply STAY BUSY with your own hobbies etc..and let him continue to initiate "logistics" in terms of getting together again, he seems to be big on scheduling/planning, so I'd continue let him continue to take the lead in that dept.
One of the things I noticed is that he has taken his own initiative to read self help books without you suggesting anything...thats another positive sign in his "unsticking himself" process...
Good for you Mooka, you deserve a happy ending..
Remember to keep the expectations in check and GO WITH THE FLOW...
Wiley is right, you are doing a great job!!! I so agree with you about what you wrote!!!!! I won't settle either.
Quote: I still have my boundaries and standards for a future M that is alive, dynamic, honest, passionate and fully open in communication. I will not accept less. This is the new M I expect one day....with or without H. I deserve it all, cuz I am willing to give all of that and will NOT accept anything less.
How are you going to handle your H working with OW? That is a struggle for me, especially since they will have business trips this summer.
Hi all....I love the continued support. Wiley's specifics always help.. Wiley have you thought about going into this line of work professionally. Michele would probably love someone like you on her team! Really...look into it, at least on the side.
Haven't heard from H since Tue...may today, who knows....but I'm somewhat busy, so he will get VM part of the time. I still am feeling really good inside...strong, centered and ready to deal with what comes my way. This DBing really works if I keep at it.
Wiley I did recently read the LRT in Michele's book, about 10 days ago. I will review again. Good things to keep on the forefront of my mind.
Whew..just had a big wake up call this morning....I mean really big for me. and I am going to journal some to clear my head and try to explain my thoughts that are currently spinning around in my head.
First of all H has been around since Fri early afternoon. We've spent some quality time just being together and for the most part it's been very nice. I did go away for the week-end for a distant family reunion, S joined me. H stayed back at our house and took care of our dog...who is rehabing from being hit by a car. It gave H an out...he admitted it, but I let him be. He said he needed R & R and staying with the dog at our house would be great for him. S and I had a great time....Sat-Mon. Brought my Mom back with us for a week. She's elderly, so things around the household are slightly different.
H stayed through this a.m. He went into the city....my Mom thinks he's going on a business trip. (She doesn't know about our sep....we both agreed to leave her out of our stuff right now). H is drawn back toward me...wants to test the waters...and really had strong feelings about my Mom getting into our journey. H said it was my decision....but the brunt of the conv with my Mom would lie on me. Duh! I took the easy way out and let it go.
Ok...this is my big revelation. I am now juggling several things....the confusion and stress of where our R is going, work, son at home, Mom visiting, golf comittments, D graduation from college next week....travel there, Seattle, how the family is going to work it all out, etc. Well, my stress level seems to be topped out....and H felt the brunt of it. OLD MEMORIES
H and I talked about this as a flash back. He became frustrated this morning with me....cuz I communicating poorly and leading him to think I didn't want to spend quality time with him. He wanted me to come into the city tonight...dinner and to his apt. I did want to, but didn't know quite how to orchestrate the deal. See....misleading my Mom adds to the confusion. Blah, blah, blah....H misread me...I him. He left frustrated...after a loving evening BTW
H just called me en route to the city. We had a long talk. He suggested I stop juggling too many things, and focus on what's really important and DO THAT WELL. Stop worrying about stuff that doesn't matter. Take each thing one at a time...do it well and move on to the next. H said this was a flashback for him....seeing me in this mode...brings out my poor communication style and causes him to shutdown. He doesn't want me to do thins anymore...he doesn't want to be a part of me in this mode. He told me he thinks this is a critical time to step back and get a PERSPECTIVE.
Jeez....H clearly states his thoughts to me....not his intimate feelings, however. But with all his recent actions, loving gestures, calls, plans, etc....he is definately coming toward me. BTW, he even asked me to go on an extended vacation with him in July...somewhere cool, maybe even Europe. H and I haven't been on our own vacation for a very long time....3-4 years. (except a week-end here and there).
Ok, Mooka...he said some really significant things to me. More than I can detail here. He also want me to clearly state what's on my mind re our R. OMG...I've been letting him take the lead...y'know the DBing way. Yet, h wishes I would bring up my thoughts more often and share them.
Revelation time: I AM BLOWN BACK TO MY OLD HABITS WHEN STRESSED!
This is clearly a major frustration point for H. It also shows in my health....I'm starting to break out more, cankor sores, cracked lips.....health on the peripheral is eroding. YUK.
Got to take a breather and work on me.
My own goals:
Meditate and pray each morning.
Exercise, clear my head.
Eat healthier.
Prioritize my day, week.
Accomplish daily tasks and move on.
Stop worrying about the small stuff...give it to God.
Be more direct with H.
Think before I speak.
Listen better.
Quit trying to read H, just ask him.
Journal more.
ok my friends....times to step back and think through this. H clearly is stating what he wants and doesn't want in a future R with me. Duh.....if this is what I want....a new future with H, I've got to continue to work on ME. I've also got to tell him what I expect in a R with him. We have so much to cover, if this is going to work. This was a hard morning, but it revealed that H does want to have something of high quality with me. This is huge.
We are moving outta neutral and into 1st gear. Time for a new title. Be looking for it folks.
and I am going to journal some to clear my head and try to explain my thoughts that are currently spinning around in my head.
