How to rekindle love? (2)

[Rose888]

(Part of ) AndrewP's post on the previous thread:

How did I manage to retain my desire for W despite the lack of sexual gratification? I openly acknowledged to her that sex was a way of her "binding" me to her and we both knew that a couple of weeks without and I would be grumpy and less agreeable to her wishes. Scary to think that it's been 4 months now. I think a lot of it was her ability to be charming and loving in other ways. There were regular "I Love Yous", we would always walk hand in hand, hugs, casual kisses and touches as we passed by each other - I'm starting to cry now - sorry. I would also compensate through masturbation mid-week and on Saturday morning so that I wouldn't be too eager and have the job finished too quickly. I would sometimes use porn to assist me in getting interested in that.

One thing that was a major issue for me and may well be for your husband as well was my inability to bring my W to orgasm. Core to my belief in myself as a virile man was the need to sexually satisfy her and it always made me feel low that I couldn't. That might be part of the issue with you and your H. He perhaps doesn't feel that he's doing good enough or that you're not trying hard enough because you don't cross the finish line. My W was able to reassure me very early on that it wasn't a problem for her and that she just enjoyed being there for me. I always did keep trying though. Since W had a poor body image and was rather a prude she wasn't open to much if any experimenting. The fact that the positions that did work were painful for her made me reluctant to ask.

As a side note - on BD2 - not only did I lose my appetite (and a lot of weight) but I also became impotent. Both appetites have returned somewhat but it's still at a very low ebb - certainly an issue for the fragile male ego.

Anyway - just some things to think about from the other side of the fence from a man who was deeply in love with a woman who was poorly able to sexually satisfy him. You've mentioned being open to new ideas - most of which are around the sex act itself. Perhaps think of other ways to please him that don't involve you getting across the same finish line. I know that I could wear my "participation ribbon" with pride.

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Thanks for stopping in.

It hadn't occurred to me that H might feel bad if I don't cross the line. I used to get frustrated when I didn't, but now I place more value on the binding aspect, so I don't feel like it's all about the finish.

Besides, since we are having so much more sex than before, I still have many more finishes than I used to.

You mention getting grumpy after a few weeks without. H gets grumpy after about 3 days. Maybe his sex drive is higher than most men's? Neither of us have had any other partners, so we have nothing to compare each other to. Sometimes I think there are cons to that.

Anyway, it's a tricky subject to discuss, and my IRL discussions are always with women. I appreciate the male perspective!