Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #2]

[ForGump]

You wrote this on lt0402's thread, but I thought I'd bring it over here...

The only way I'd change that advice would be if you have a strong aversion to affirmatively doing anything to bring about a D. Many here do.

I'm in a no-fault state. My W would like us to try to do a DIY divorce, and if we can't agree, try a mediator, and if that doesn't work use lawyers. If a D were to happen, this approach makes sense to me to the extent that we agree -- at least in general terms/philosophy -- about custody (50-50) and ... there is at least a fair chance we'd agree on property, because we are both fairly non-materialistic, we don't own any big ticket items, and we generally have good will towards each other.

However, there is also a fair chance for things to become contentious, because I think my W doesn't really understand our financial situations and the ramifications of getting a D. She has been a SAHM, and I've handled all financial issues because she admits to having poor impulse control on spending, and handling money is too anxious for her (in retrospect I wish I had handled this differently, instead of taking it all upon myself). I don't think my W realizes that a D would mean downgrading our overall lifestyle, and her likely having to work FT at a fairly menial position.

She picked up the DIY D paperwork, and I agreed to look it over before meeting together to discuss it. I've been sitting on it for about a week. Haven't even opened the folder. I'm a little torn. On the one hand, it would be an act of detachment and a 180 to move this forward. On the other hand, I want to do nothing to move the D forward. I don't feel any motivation to taking a step towards seeing my kids only half of the time.

My inaction by default has put the ball back in her court. I'm sure she will remind me to look it over and meet. And if I don't comply, she will probably threaten to get a L and get it done. A typical retainer around here for a D L is about $5k, for a straight-forward case.

So, what do DB principles say? Do nothing, and burn through $5k (or $10k if I get a L too)? Or cooperate as she wants? FWIW, $10k is a lot of money to us....