Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 3)

[AndrewP]

Get a trailer for the driveway and move her stuff into it? Wheel chocks optional ....

Hey - you asked.

A more realistic option but strongly not suggested because it kills your negotiating power and makes you look weak - you move out.

I struggled with this a lot as anyone who has read my ramblings will know. I "knew" from what I read here that the venerable sandi2 couldn't recall instances where an in-house couple reconciled. In my months here I "think" I saw one but it's hard to tell and I think it went sideways. Probably reconciling people stop posting much to our loss - there may be a higher percentage than we think. I'd love to have MWD's database to analyze for churn rates and keywords.

I still have no clue as to what eventually forced my WW out the door with all of our collectible plates except 3 (found those last night under piles of other stuff). There was a build-up of stress going on for quite a while before the move and almost like a suicide there were multiple false starts.

One thing that I did use the in-house separation for - hopefully to my benefit even though it was perhaps a bit "doormatish" was to have WW see what a great guy I'd become and how self-sufficient. Since she couldn't be relied on for meals, I made them - let her know when they were and left it up to her whether to show up or not. I took over cleaning and took a lot of pride in making our house look better than she ever managed. I wanted to tackle the mild hoarding but didn't have the courage to do that until she moved out (taking a lot of it with her). When she left I hope she thought of me as viable husband material again. She did express appreciation for some of the things I did although I'm not sure she realized I was doing them for me and not her. For my GAL activities like movies, theatre, community events I would tell her that I was going and invite her along - she always had a reason to not go. I was polite, respectful and still blindsided when she actually did walk.

<reacted long rambling about what's going on now ... you're welcome>

What I often like to do with these things is to turn the problem upside down. What is it we're trying to achieve? Break the waywardness and hope that they turn back to us not just as a Plan B but as their preferred choice (important). What can do that? According to the venerable sandi2 - A serious loss due to the waywardness. How is a physical separation related to that? Dammifiknow.

From what sandi2 has written (guys we all need to send her fresh flowers every day - even if we're all still buggered she's given us guidance and hope) one of those losses can be of the MR itself - seems a bit kamikaze to me though. It's vital though that our WW can't "blame" us for it. I've occasionally thought of getting a young lady to carry on an online EA with me - but getting WW to believe it ??? A couple of instances I've read involved the WW getting an STD from OM. An idea I've played with was sending hookers to OM and getting him caught with them by WW.

In my own case I'm thinking that it will might be problems at work that do in my WW. She "loves" that job and her performance has gone waaay down in the last month or so. Only time will tell though and my crystal balls are on the fritz yet again. I don't even know the names of current movies it would seem

Any other thoughts? To be honest I've not paid much attention to threads at the point where the WW moves out but if memory serves it is usually (as might have been in my case) because carrying on the A while under the eyes of the LBH got too painful and stressful.

And oh yes - I've read "The Prince" multiple times - doesn't apply here.

Anyway - those are my thoughts - they're probably worth the price of admission.