Thank you so much for your kind words of support Bttrfly, Bright, Gwen and H

This is more of a winge and vent post, I am so upset and yes, angry today ...

First before I start, sx2 and h folks have been told of the impending reconciliation (which is currently in jeopardy already) S19 took it ok, said as long as i am happy he is happy. S22 reacted badly, and I do mean badly, big vent from him which I allowed him to do so he could feel like he was being heard. He really is anti his dad, feels he cannot be trusted to not do it again and why would I even think about taking him back after what he has done to me and our family. Lots more added. I replied I understand his concerns and his opinions and that I hope that in time his d will earn his trust back, just like he has to earn mine. S finally came around to seeing that I have to give this a go, I have to give this a chance for me. MIL said she thought we might get back together (don't know how she came to that conclusion, no one tells her anything lol). I am sure FIL will private email me with his thoughts in the near future.

House Hunting ugh, seriously difficult to find a place that allows dogs. Under 4 weeks until they arrive and I am no further forward in this task.

Course 1 - passed smile Assignment 1 for course 2 in and awaiting marking. All on track, so far so good.

So to my winge - S19 mentioned h is getting another tattoo this week. Yesterday was "payday" for me, his payment (small as it is) to me. We had agreed that he would delay the next few to help him with moving costs and having some time off between jobs so I did not expect one ....until I found out about the tattoo. So when I did not receive anything, I text him to ask if he intended to pay. He said no, he thought we had agreed to delay a couple and was that not ok now?

I replied, "its fine, I agreed to help you out with moving here and some down time for us - but will say however, that you seem to have found enough for frivolous spending this week tho"

H replied "I will send payment now. S22 has asked f you can lend him $350 for a couple weeks?"

I replied " thank you. Yep no probs"

Then we got in to a text debate about money and spending wisely etc. He then sent me the cost of the tattoo and that he has been saving for ages but thought it would be a long way off, until the guy rang him to say that he would do it half price as it was quiet and could do with the custom. $350, pretty much the amount he has, so it means he can have it done pre moving which is great"

Oh this set me off !! So first I pointed out that $350 is a weeks rent, 6 months bins, 3 weeks food ....then I said, Needs, Wants, Priorities. This is my world, this is how I have to live, not because I want to, because I HAVE to. You have debts, you have moving costs, living costs pre next job, how can you justify the spend - oh and tell S22 I have lent him the $350" I had transferred it before h told me the amount of the tattoo ... coincidence that it happens to be the same amount ??

H went quiet for a bit and then came back with a long email justifying his decision. That life is too short, he is not going to live life working himself in to the ground and have nil treats and nil quality of life for doing so. We operate in two different worlds right now, the cost is under a days wages for him. He feels this is his way of feeling sane in a crap world. He knows it will change once moved, he is very aware that it has to, so is treating himself while he can

Am I completely overreacting here?

I have not replied to him. I am so angry that I may say something I regret. I am upset he his getting another tattoo, I really dont like the ones he already has. I am more upset about the money and his justification to spend it. But as he has now paid me my monthly payment and I cannot prove the money lent s22 is for the tattoo then I know that its not my place to tell him what to do with his money as much as he cannot tell me what to do with mine.

It just adds to the latest feelings of "what the heck am I doing getting back with him" Life was so much easier on my own, unfortunately its taken him coming back for me to see that !!

Thanks for letting me spill this out, II feel like I am about to explode frown

xoxo to all