My Wife Walked Out 5

[RSG]

Thanks for stopping by. You're always able to come through and talk me off the ledge, slow my heart to a normal rate lol.

Yes, I think I know what the hair colors, tattoos, money spending (she mentioned at drop off spending a lot on some Perry Ellis glasses), etc means. They are all things I discouraged for probably obvious reasons. She's expressing herself, and I think the fact I haven't mentioned anything about any of them (besides the first tattoo around 3 weeks after she left) has surprised her.

There's other stuff, like listening, validation and my general calmness that I've been working hard on. They're def 180s for me, and I think they're becoming noticeable.

Dropoff was rather dramatic. 15 minutes, and she was bawling for most of it. She's worried about S, not wanting him to fall behind and stressed about getting him a Dr, therapy and the whole shebang. She's terrified about surgery, and the fact her insurance is changing this week and she doesn't know what it means (yep, that was my job). The growth in her ear is something the Drs didn't recognize, although she said it was benign thank God. It was in this state she asked "Do you want to divorce me?" In that sweet voice I haven't heard in ages. Thankfully I didn't say NO! I just said I haven't made any decisions yet. And that's 100% truthful. There's enough love in my heart to rebuild a new marriage. There's also enough hurt that I could D and be ok. She DID say "I don't know what I want" which I guess validates you 100% CBT. She started talking about what taking her clothes meant, and that if we D we could be "civil" in which I believe she means being like we are now. Wanted to say BS and tell her reality, but that just was not appropriate lol.

She said "Stop bothering me about what S says." And I said, I don't like it W in a quiet but stern voice. She said, I know what you mean. I'm sorry. Says something to me that she can't say his name and seems embarrassed. It also says something that she's still confused about stuff like insurance despite talking to Trailer Trash fairly often. Seems like I'm bang on about him ha. (A picture says a million, not thousand words ha)

We talked about some other stuff, and when I felt myself reacting in old ways I immediately recognized it and stopped. Plus for me. She said she lives about 15 minutes away, in the same city.

I saw a lot of good things in 15 mins. I saw my wife, vulnerable, open and receptive for the first time in a long time. I heard and saw a woman that respected me, valued me and wanted me to be there. When she asked to stop talking about "us" I just said ok, no problem. Lets just focus on your health. While she was crying, I did ask if she wanted a hug. I didn't advance any, I just asked and when she said no (she's not touchy feely) I said ok and didn't react otherwise.

Thanks for the little roadmap. It helps. Touching this woman will be very difficult. Her skin feels SO GOOD to me, but she is very guarded about being let into her bubble. That's a while away though, so nothing to worry about for now. Some days I just get sick of feeling like I'm following a map to buried treasure, like something out of the Goonies lol. I'm working on my patience but it's hard. I think I'm doing a good job on my own, not riding her roller coaster or reacting to how she feels. Detaching is difficult, but I'm making progress daily. Focusing on my boy really helps, and even though I don't have time to do much outside of the house, I'm doing well doing things I like. I might try another recipe this weekend!

Again thanks man. If it weren't for folks like you, Cnut and others that have chimed in (even those I've argued with) I'd probably be divorced and not in a very good state mentally. I can see some tadpoles swimming around the pond, I've just got to keep nurturing them and hope a frog develops....