My birthday is in a few days...is it weird that I hope she sends me flowers to work or gets me a gift? Or even asks to see me..?
I know the chances of that happening are slim to none, as It's around the corner and she's yet to bring it up....I told my co worker how crappy a bday it would be. A few days later he magically found some beer event at some bar that he's going to. Without asking directly he told me he'd be there and If he should save me a seat.
You seem to already know the answer to this one cheesyt. The beer event at the bar seems like a great GAL event though. Don't even have to drink there, could just show up, eat some bar food and enjoy the time! Anything to get your mind off this.
The L thing is rough. Just going through that myself right now. It brings up a bunch of emotions just thinking about starting that whole process. Before I met w/ the first L I sat in the parking lot and had to pinch myself to make sure this was really happening. Completely surreal.
How did you respond to the Ws texts to you? It seems like this stuff is directionless most of the time, but when it moves, it really moves quickly. at least in the beginning of our situations.
Hang in there brother. We're all here for you, as you know. Sorry it's so rough right now.
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
The L thing is rough. Just going through that myself right now. It brings up a bunch of emotions just thinking about starting that whole process. Before I met w/ the first L I sat in the parking lot and had to pinch myself to make sure this was really happening. Completely surreal.
How did you respond to the Ws texts to you? It seems like this stuff is directionless most of the time, but when it moves, it really moves quickly. at least in the beginning of our situations.
lt0402 - I think I pinch myself everyday. You're right I do know the answer. I respond very short and simple. Mainly agree with D's school stuff. Same with cat stuff, "I'd be happy to..." whatever she requested.
was thinking about it...again. I believe W not only wants to "be friends" out of guilt but also because It was like our M except she can date whomever she wants. If we went out, I would pay, I would "fix" whatever she needed, if she asked for a massage, or anything I would do it. Total cake eating. I must keep reminding myself this.
GAL activity for tonight, going to a tequila bar after work with a friend. ready for a marg...or two!
I am so livid. I had talked to my W about what days I wanted to pick D up, I had suggested Wednesday's. But my boss told me I could t take off work that early. So I was under the impression I talked to my W that since I would be picking up D on Fridays (company summer early release Friday) I wouldn't have to pick her up Wednesday's! School just called asking when I would be there, even though on Tuesday I told W and D I would see them Friday..again w not listening. W calls and sends me a nasty text about " we need to figure something else out if I can't count on you" excuse me. I've been there for 6 freaking years. Eff you. When have I not been reliable you dirty little rat. Eff you. That's what I feel like replying. She's out and about with her dirty little friends and I'm made to feel guilty. No freaking way!!!!! She also said I'm extremely frustrated yu commited to Wednesday's this is ridiculous. I'm im sorry being a mom is 24/7 not part freaking time. Get your [censored] together. Wtf I don't even know how to reply to that without being a jerk and an [censored]. And she will be running her mouth to everyone and their mom how I'm not reliable, eve though for 6 freaking years she had NOTHING to worry about, but no that's not good enough. Never freaking is. Never.
in a REALLY dark place now that I'm home. of course, apologized to wife, validated her feelings and took the blame. why...idk cus I'm a sucker. over vm of course, she couldn't answer the phone. then W gave me some sob story of how she's sick is not ignoring me and is going to bed. and then I feel even worse. does she know that would make me feel bad? and then I think, had I picked D up and showed up to drop her off I could've been there for her. but would that have done anything? been there for her in her time of need? or would that have been letting her have her cake? IDK. I really dont know anything. I don't know. I feel like poop. I can keep it together. I knew this birthday / this current life would be the worst. ever. THE only thing that I feel, right this second, would make my whole life better would be my W saying we'd give it a shot. BUT I'm stupid for thinking that way. and I know it, that's the worst part. I thought I was doing ok at detaching but I'm clearly incapable. Also what's so frustrating is the fact that I'm doing my absolute best and putting my best foot forward EVERY DAY, trying to stay out of her path, being kind, staying dim and that is not enough. Why am I not enough? I should be enough. and I'm not. how do you live with that? day after day..I am not enough for my wife. wow. worst feeling ever.
Cheesyt-- birthdays and such activate all sorts of emotions. Let it go, it's just one birthday. You're doing as best as you can. Patience and breathe...(we aren't enough right now for them. we may never be.. yes, worst feeling ever. have music to share? i do. i have videos i listen to over and over. )
me 42 H 32 T 7yr M 6yr BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY Separated 7/2016
Second of all, you are good enough. Maybe too good, in fact. That your W doesn't see it is a reflection on her and the blinders she's chosen to wear, not on you.
Third, re "one step forward and 99 back", I don't see what you describe as having happened in that way. Yes, you're still in love with your W. Yes, you'd do anything to get your M back. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's how you're supposed to feel at this point. Take it from me, detaching takes a long time and is anything but linear. You and me both need to be kinder to ourselves in those instances where we are feeling a lack of straight-line progression!
Hang in there!
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Or maybe something like "Thanks. It's going to be really busy but should be great." And let her do some ruminating for a change.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
