Episode 3 - The Divorce Awakens

[cat04]

I was asked to look at this thread. I ended up spending the day reading all of your threads. At first, I wasn't even sure where to begin as it has been a while...

While I probably agree with Mach and there won't be a new thread, I hope you read this post and maybe gain some understanding.

Great I will if it even happens, like I said - all the 2x4s in this thread are not going to change my wife one bit.

I understand that you feel like you received a lot of 2x4's in this thread (in my day, those weren't even close to a 2x4).

The thing is, they aren't about changing your wife, they are about changing YOU.

DB, MC, or any other marriage saving endeavor you try...isn't going to save anything unless you change yourself.

I see you wanting to blame the pot use as the reason for why you are here.

While that might be the obvious cause, it isn't the whole thing. You lied, you were a jerk, and it was something that was ongoing throughout your marriage.

I see you playing the victim. It's all about what your W did in reaction to things that you did.

I believe that you probably would not ever hurt her or your kids...until you might...

My X, would never hit me. Until he did. Prior to that, it was him blocking my car in so I couldn't leave a situation. So we could talk it out.

He never hit our S. Until one day they got into a fist fight. Sh!t happens. It does. Things we never believe will happen, happens, when someone gets pushed to their limits.

I commend you on your sobriety. Although I have extensive experience with addictions, personal and education, and I have never known someone who could be addicted to one substance and be able to handle another. So your version of sobriety and my version of sobriety differ. You drink. You aren't sober.

You say that you don't yell, you just talk louder to ensure that you are being heard when you feel like someone isn't listening to you. I also have seen in your posts that you get a somewhat argumentative and insulting, including ridiculing, to people when you don't like what they are saying to you.

Is it possible you are this way with your W? I would lean towards yes.

Another thing I see is you saying you have decided not to lie anymore, and then you sign an agreement not to have R talk with your W and you send her a letter (regardless of whose idea it was) and you text, trying to get her to talk about it. How is that not lying? Or at least breaking your word?

I am not trying to pick on you. I want you to see what others see. I want you to understand that you can't change anything and expect anyone to believe it if you just say the words. You have to walk the walk.

There is an old saying...Actions speak louder than words.

Your actions and your words do NOT match up. They need to. If they don't, you will find yourself with a string of broken relationships in your wake.

You have some very smart and knowledgeable people posting on here and all you have done is try to push them away when you don't like what they have to say.

I wonder why that is?

Just food for thought..