Just working the process, but wondering when......

[cbtdad]

I'm doing good! I just decided to take a little breather from the forum. W and I had a discussion Friday night after what seemed like a couple bad days from me for sure.
I told her that I recognized the things I was doing over the past couple days and that I was acting like the person that gives her anxiety and makes her run for the hills.
I said, "just because I recognize it doesn't give me a pass. I know that this is something that I am working on, but it's not something that is going to be fixed over night. I feel like we are taking 3 steps forward then one step back. I do get frustrated with the living in limbo though. It builds up and then I feel like we are just living like brother/sister or friends"
She said, "I understand how you feel. But let me give you an analogy." She went and grabbed a paper plate out of the cabinet. She then asked me to rip it up in 6 pieces, She grabbed some tape and started to tape it back together piece by piece in like a puzzle. She said, "I feel like I'm putting everything back together piece by piece, trying to match them up so that it all fits together" She was taping the plate back together. When she got to the last piece she ripped all up again, but this time in like 10 pieces. She then started putting it together then
She said, "this is what it feel like to me. I start feeling like everything is getting better then all of sudden its all ripped up and we have to start again"

From then on we had a good dialogue for about 10 minutes. I brought up that I liked her analogy and how that's how it felt for me about trust since the last time.
We even touched on sex for a moment. She said, "last week I actually started thinking that maybe we would just have a few drinks one night and it would just happen again."
That's the first time in 4 months she has brought up sex with me

I had a good IC yesterday and told her all about the discussion Friday night. IC thinks that W and I want to be together and that we are just having to work through these things. She stressed that patience is really important, but also stating clearly to the W what I want. That we have come along way, but I want more than a friendship. We have an MC on Thursday and I guess more will be discussed then.