What should I be doing (Working toward D 9)

[Coconut]

Ok, so signing the listing agreement for the house today, also have been applying for jobs out of state... Haven't been offered a job yet, but I believe the house will sell pretty quickly, so it's the step that needs to be done to move on... But still some question as to if I want to start over with her or alone. Still some doubt, so I sent the following text, not expecting anything but felt the need to send it..



I just want to make sure that this is the path you want to go down before I sign the agreement, by path I mean Divorce. It would take a lot from each of us to make us work, and a long time to get there, but I am willing to do whatever I can to save our marriage and be happy together.

I don't know how I feel about you right now, I don't think we've even talked in over a month, but what I do know is that feelings change. If someone would have told me on our wedding day what was to come in our future, there is no way that I would of believed I would of ever felt the way I have about you over the last few months, so I know that feelings do change, and I believe that I want to love you enough to be able to get back to that place.

I am absolutely not ok with a 3 person marriage, and saving our marriage would require absolutely no contact with him, not even risking seeing him in a crowd at a meeting. I am not flexible on that boundary, I want my wife to be my person, and me hers, and I'm not willing to have another person in the mix.

My only other boundary would be transparency (until trust is rebuilt), complete openness to goings on, no secrets, no hiding things...

Reconciling would literally require starting from scratch, not going back to "usual", but going slow and deliberate.

I'm not asking if you Love me right now, I'm not asking if you even like me right now, I'm asking if you want to love me again and do what's needed to spend the next 40 years of our life together.