Maybs - Pt3

[maybs]

I'm going to call. I know she won't and like I said I don't want to end up getting scr3wed in all of this.

Plus, to be completely honest, I've been thinking about it a lot and I love my W that's not a question. But I feel like I just want this to be done. I don't want to drag it out, I just want it to be over so I can move on.

And quite frankly, if there was ever going to be a world in which we would R it would be after she hits bottom and pulls herself back up and I don't think she will do that until she loses everything. And no matter how much I tell her and show her I'm not here for her. I know in her mind I always will be. And the best thing for me right now is to be completely disconnected and away from her.

I don't know. I feel like more and more often I just feel like I'm better off now that we are S than I was for the last year when we were together.

No we didn't have a bad M. We didn't fight and in general things were good and most of our friends were envious of our R. but there are some things that time and distance has clarified for me and I am not willing to put up with them anymore and I don't know that they are things she would ever be willing to change.

I don't know. I can't say there would never be a time or place where R would be possible for us but I think it's at least a year away and I'm not going to drag out this D for that long. It's not what's best for me, I just want to move on with my life and now that I've found happiness without her... I feel like I can do that.
What really sealed the deal for me was last night my friend was showing me some of the stuff she posts with her new gf on FB and it has literally no influence on me. I did not care one iota, it felt weird to not care but I didn't. Even thinking about it now to write this it just doesn't matter.

I just want to be happy and do what's right for me. And right now I think that's just getting this over with and moving on with my life. I've actually been happier these past few weeks without her. Sure I miss her but I miss who she used to be not this other alien.