Could you give me a sense of how different your & your H's libido were? For example, he'd like to do it every night and you're more like once a month?
Also, maybe your drive is very much attached subconsciously to your H's behavior. Is he a good partner in other ways? Does it do his fair share of housework and child-rearing?
This is a bit tricky, because it hasn't been constant throughout our marriage. For example, there are a couple of years when kids were young that are kind of a blur of sleep exhaustion and I was also very "touched out."
Pre BD, I'd say I was more a once-a-week person and he preferred every other day.
Right now, we're intimate over 50% of the days. Oddly, I find that I miss it of we go more than a day in between. I didn't used to.
H is a great partner in other ways.
I do wonder if some of the distancer-pursuer dynamic got mixed up in this. Our early marriage was dominated by his family, and I didn't maintain my precious friends much. This is a new idea for me, but since so much time has passed, I don't know if my memory is accurate enough to really analyze this angle.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
