I have to agree with Cathy. Think of him like a friend so that you don't have any expectations. I definately see this as your H is trying to come out of the tunnel. The trick is to not scare him back into the tunnel.
If things continue to progress well, don't embrace him with open arms yet. I would still be mysterious and wary.
From all the good advice I have gotten, it seems that unless your WAH really senses that he may lose you for good, a reconciliation won't last. Then again, I speak this from experience. LOL!
Quote: From all the good advice I have gotten, it seems that unless your WAH really senses that he may lose you for good, a reconciliation won't last. Then again, I speak this from experience.
I thought my H was reconnecting too at some point, I also did not detach and act like I was moving on without him. I also believe this has to be done or it won't work. We are need to detach. Otherwise we are in the same boat as before. And I for one DON'T want that boat!
Thanks Nik and Deb....I definately needed to be reminded that this may be e temporary thing with H.
I WILL continue to still work on detaching....continue on MY forward path. I am seeing my DBing C today....looking forward to her input too.
H called me 2 times yesterday from Seattle....asked me to call him back on the second VM. I did late in the evening. I was out prior to that meeting with my ALPHA group . I told him I was out with some friends.
We just chatted about d, weather, cars, etc. He said he would see me early Sat. morning. I said, ok, fine. I was upbeat, friendly. The only thing I've got to work on are beating him to the punch to cut the phone call off. He beat me this time. . Gotta be more aware of that.
You are all right....got to keep on MY path....in a forward direction. Thanks for all the support...it really means a lot.
Had a great session with my C today. She pointed out my behaviors that may be influencing H's peeking out of the tunnel...and testing the waters with me. She said, the same thing....do NOT move too fast. Let H do all the pursueing, continue to be vague with information. Continue to keep my life busy and working for me. Let him keep making the moves...but she recommended "keep doing what's working." She didn't think I should throw H a curve by cancelling on him last minute... Just don't appear too eager. She said go with him when he offers to do things with or for me....just be casual. Validate, let H continue to open up and trust me....for me to LISTEN more.
So....keep on dbing....thanks for your willingness to hang in there with me.
I think H is getting a sense of your personal growth as well and that you are poised to move on ... he is no doubt getting the sense that you are Mooka on the go! ... GO MOOKA!! ... Have a great and safe trip to NYC (that's almost in my neighborhood.)
Finally getting back to my BB buds! Been thinking about catching up and then my da^M internet ser/connection on the blitz....oh well.
Had a great time in NYC with Mom and Sis. Nice get-away. H came out the morning I left, early!!! 7am. We took a long walk, talked some...lightly, had breakfast, went to hit golf balls, and then he took me to the airport. All in all, a pleasant morning. He gave me a quick hug at the airport....I barely hugged backed and waved. (Was a bit qwkward)
He left me a VM the next morning to wish me a wonderful Mothers' Day...and said it was awkward saying good-bye yesterday. He was pleasant, tho on the VM.
I called him back the next day and left a quick VM, telling him everything was going well, and I had heard from both our kids. He called me right back, chatted a bit, told me about work travels, etc. Said he'd call me when I got home to coordinate our drive to get S at college.
Left all alone....had fun in NY....did the tourist stuff.
Got home late Thur night. H had left a VM. Asked me to call if it wasn't too late. I did. We planned our day the next day. I met him in the city, we drove his car to get son. We talked lightly most of the time. He brought up pieces of his personal search....said he has many regrets, and is sorting. Can't recall all the details. Picked up son, packed up car, had dinner and drove 3 hrs home. S asked many pointed questions about "US" H answered many with...."your Mom and I are working on things, communciating well, spending quality time together, when time allows....making progres." He asked me to add to the conv.....I agreed that the time apart has been very good for me....discovering things for myself...getting a clearer idea of what I want in my future.
All fairly vague stuff, but ok. H stayed around until about 11pm...did his laundry, watched TV.
H called Sat before his next trip to Seattle. He was chattly, planned to see our D on Sun after his meetings.
H called today, after time with D. Again, giving me details of time with D. Asked how we were doing. Said he would see us next week-end when he got back. Simple conv...but pleasant. He brought up my family reunion (that I didn't even ask him to go on...Memorial wk-end)...cuz I knew he would not be interested. He said he is thinking about going.....MAYBE....if it would be comfortable for me to have him. Asked about hotel arrangements, etc. I said....would not want him to go if he in any way felt obligated/pressured....S and I plan to go on our own. I said...whatever....to let me know a few days before. I am pretty sure he won't go...that is one of the things he complained about me in the past, was all the obligations with my extended family.
I HAVE to keep my expectations to ZERO, I know....I sense he is "INCHING" his way closer to me. Then, he pulls back some...and changes the subject or says well, gotta go. Think I might start calling him "Inchworm!"
I will remain busy, working on me....all areas.
Love having S home for the summer. Fun to have company in this home again....day in and day out.
Gotta a ton of catching up to do with all of you!!
Glad to hear you enjoyed your trip. Felt like I missed getting to see a friend knowing you were so close by. If you're ever back this way...
The important thing about the reunion is ... he brought it up! If it is his choice to join you then it is no longer an obligation. If he brings it up again, I would encourage it, especailly if he is putting feelers out there about you wanting him to be by your side at such an event. IMHO, it would be good for him to hear that you would like him to be there with you, but that it is his choice and he needs to do whatever he is comfortable with.
All the daily contact he is initiating is a very good sign, so I'll wrap this up the same way I started it ...
Quote: S asked many pointed questions about "US" H answered many with...."your Mom and I are working on things, communciating well, spending quality time together, when time allows....making progres." He asked me to add to the conv.....I agreed that the time apart has been very good for me....discovering things for myself...getting a clearer idea of what I want in my future.
Mooka! Sound like inching alright... and some excellent DB on your part. Let him keep inching. Meanwhile, you're my hero!
. I told him I was out with some friends. 
. Gotta be more aware of that.
... Have a great and safe trip to NYC (that's almost in my neighborhood.) 