Don,

As usual, I'm really late to this party. Things offline have kept me busier than usual and I haven't logged in lately. My friends here have made some amazing comments and insights. They're quite awesome, aren't they?

I bring another perspective to this pool. I lost my younger brother to complications from a heroin addiction almost 2 years ago. So congratulations on your sobriety. It's big, and I can say from your experience your family and friends are undoubtedly thrilled to have you back in their lives without that monkey on your back.

I read your OLD profile as a middle aged chick and wonder, "who is this guy?" If your picture looks awesome, I'd probably communicate with you. wink But if you're like the rest of us, it doesn't tell me about you at all.

Do you have a personal mission statement of sorts? Do you have things that are super important to you? Are you the kind of person who wants to pay it forward? Has some experience in your life prompted you to become passionate about something? Say, like... mentoring those who are trying to get or stay clean? Dig deep. What brings you joy? Are you a dog lover or someone who believes in the arts? Church? Civic involvement? Tell me more.

All of my friends here asked some terrific questions. Ginger commenting on not labeling things as right hit me. Ellie (KML) commenting that motorcycle story. GB, who is ever intuitive and direct. (Love them.)

I came to your thread not having an inkling about your story today. (Like I said, life off the computer just got nutso.) I also wonder if you label things as bad or write them off due to being picky or setting as a means of not addressing your own baggage? It's not a judgement... just a question. What would happen if you just hit the reset button with your OLD thing and just told yourself that rather than writing people off who are neutral, you'd give yourself a chance to find out more?

We all have our stories, Don. It's what makes us interesting. Getting to know people is fun. Asking questions is a great way to see what makes people tick. I'm not saying that you initiate contact with someone whose lifestyle and/or values are not in synch with yours... there is no way I would find a marathon runner or avid biker my cup of tea (and I can promise you that my lack of interest in their avocations would turn them off as well).

That being said, have you thought of doing more of what you like and see if someone interesting isn't there waiting for you? I know you are a musician, so have you thought of hooking up with some sort of meetup group that is musically inclined? What if your special person is a drummer or a keyboard chick? Wouldn't that make your passion for music a little closer to home?

That being said, I'm going to quote you on your response to Maybell:

Quote:
And if I'm not a complex case as it is, this is my next fear. I really hope that after all of this I will appreciate just how rare it is for me to find someone I'm interested in and then who is also interested in me. I fully acknowledged however that it is very possible what you are saying could happen - I won't be ready when or in my case if it shows up. I hope I am and I'm trying to be but it is a concern.


Here, put on my pair of glasses. I might be the only one here who feels this way, but I doubt it... I find it a complete turn on when a man is fully invested in his life and not waiting. On anything or anyone. He's immersed in his life and isn't closed off to inviting me into the inner circle, but his life is 100% his. Does this make sense? I don't want someone who wants me to bring 25% to make him whole. I want two whole people who are kicking ass and taking names just by having 2 100%ers in the pool. I'm willing to wait for it and him. But until that day comes, I'm living my life at full speed.

And yes, I'm not saying that you should want to explore folks who have deal breakers. Mine is smoking. I'll be friends with them, but I won't be doing the dirty with them. I understand the giving up part. I'm not doing OLD at all anymore. It's not a judgement... I just spend my entire work day on a computer and I don't want to have any more intimate contact with it than I do already. Computers make me money. grin

So, why not reframe your profile to give people a truly honest look at what you have to offer?

Betsey

"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein