Had a session today with a different coach. Both emphasized the friend angle and how it's important to detach and be friendly so that it is inviting to reconnect. I agree with that. I probably haven't been as friendly since the package discovery since I was so pissed and hurt. I was not sold on why I shouldn't initiate separation for my sanity/self worth/unwillingness to be in OM. That is the plan. Today's coach recognized sandi2's contributions and didn't say anything against her.
Sandi2 - I'm set on initiating financial and physical separation. Any other tips/suggestions? I've definitely let go and am not (as) afraid of it. I'm not looking for any particular outcome but just see that either one will be better than the torture/humiliation I'm going through now.
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
Coaching has emphasized connection and being friends.
Have they explained why this approach makes sense?
I would guess your W sees you as a platonic friend, and just working on being friends will only deepen her conviction that you're not husband material (i.e., romantic, sexual partner). What do you think?
I think you are right gump, especially when she hasn't broken contact with OM. Btw, I think our situations are very similar and I feel for you. Hang in there.
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
Just ring fence finances and detach. That's it for now.
Focus on smaller steps and work towards being happy in you by GAL, looking after you (sleep, eat, detach, read the paper on the toilet - that kind of thing).
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
I find your situation interesting. Your W has a degree from a prestigious college. Is it a useful degree? Also, does she have good life skills? Could she be on her own, and make it? Or is she dependent on you for finances and for running a household in general?
Rushing into marriage ... I think a fair number of people who find themselves here have done that, including myself.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
I find your situation interesting. Your W has a degree from a prestigious college. Is it a useful degree? Also, does she have good life skills? Could she be on her own, and make it? Or is she dependent on you for finances and for running a household in general?
Rushing into marriage ... I think a fair number of people who find themselves here have done that, including myself.
It's not a super marketable degree. She is financially dependent and also needs a lot of help with our son. She could be on her own but I know it would be tough. Not a good reason to stay together though.
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
Had dinner as a family and wife talked about how she met with a consultant for resumes. It made for a sad dinner. After son went to bed she said she wanted to talk and could tell something was bothering her. I brought up the package and it really turns out that it wasn't from the OM and she showed the credit card statement and everything. It was a weird mix up. She said that I have been acting weird and unfriendly and she can't take it. We got into a lot of things. I will work to be friendlier like the coach said. I feel silly but somewhat relieved. It's not like all is well but it's not quite as bad as I thought. I did a 180 but not really the kind in supposed to...
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
It's not a super marketable degree. She is financially dependent and also needs a lot of help with our son. She could be on her own but I know it would be tough. Not a good reason to stay together though.
I was asking not as a reason to stay together or not, but to possibly understand her feelings. I think W's inability to be independent -- or have it be a big challenge -- can make them feel trapped, and increases their contempt for their H as the source of her unhappiness, and makes it more likely for her to feel rebellious/immature/irrational (thereby become a WW) rather than deal with it more rationally (and be a WAS). It's not just finances I'm talking about, but the general ability to deal with the challenges of being an adult, a parent, a partner. Some people don't have good life skills.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
I brought up the package and it really turns out that it wasn't from the OM
You had me all worked up for nothing! I smashed that package in my head with a hammer!
But, seriously, what does this mean for the "confirmed EA" in your signature? Are you still sure about the EA, and feel PA is also possible? Maybe the EA/PA are also a misunderstanding...? That would give you a lot of hope for the R.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
