Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 2)

[JRuss]

albac -- I think we honestly do a really good job faking when the kids are there. We act pretty normally, like a happy family does (which just further $#%@s with my mind). This wasn't always the case; we used to fight quite a bit, and they definitely heard things I wish like hell they never heard. But that's ~2 years or so gone at this point. I think they'd be genuinely shocked if we told them we were separating, because it's been so "normal" when they're around. It's only when they are asleep or doing their own thing that the Cold Front blows in, if it's that time of the week.

I definitely play the "getting some balls" thing through my head, and telling her, "You know, if I'm so unattractive, and you're so miserable and think you can do so much better, hit the road". I think that quickly gets rebranded into me kicking her out of the house, though, me looking like the bad guy to family and friends, being disadvantaged in the courthouse re custody and financially, etc. I'd also hate for my kids to think I was the one who gave up and forced mom out of the house. And I'm not moving out. Period. Just no way I'm going to do that and then try to turn around and tell my kids why I bailed on them.

She was about to move out at the end of June, and I talked her into slowing things down, thinking it might give me time to make inroads and salvage the situation, but I'm losing optimism by the moment and do find myself wondering where I'd be if I'd just let her go. I'd personally be in a better place I'm almost sure; there'd also be much better opportunities to implement some of sandi's rules better, going dark, etc., where there's very little of that when she's playing house with me at home.