No longer in neutral...piecing forward on my own

[holdingon]

Mooka,

I think the thinking too much and the overanalyzing are bad when you are doing it about H and the sitch. However, introspection about yourself, your faith, your future... that I don't think is so bad.

Last week (or whenever it was) I WAS thinking too hard. It was like a fog was over me... but it led to a "break through" of sorts, nothing that I saw at the time, but I feel like I have come from somewhere, now ... if you know what I mean. Like I have been through something. Not that I'm done, but that I made the right turn in the road.

And that was when I had said, enough is enough... please Lord, take this completely from me, help me surrender completely to you.

It's surprising to me, this journey. I guess what it is is becoming more insightful, deeper. Yea, it all sounds hokey, blah, blah, blah... but it has been important to me.

I have kind of found myself... and I am liking her. And the whole faith thing IS so comforting, but it is so foreign to the "world" that I really have to work on keeping in the word, keeping strong in my faith.

I still have areas that I need to work on... I realize I LIKE to control, and I have a tendency to manipulate, which I don't like. I realized with Sage's post, that if I could make people feel bad, I would, and now I LIKE to make them feel better.

I don't know, it's quite a journey... like Sage said "can I be done, now?"

Anyway, keep keeping on. We have been in this for a long time, no time to give up now Get closer to God, he's there for you. Let Him use this trouble for His greater good.

Hang in there.