I feel a bit of a fraud over here in Surviving the Big D.
Maybe I made my move too soon, in optimistic mode.
Aged ma has pancreatic cancer and it is likely the beginning of the end now, luckily she doesn't remember although she has been told. Aged pa wants her home and that may happen with lots of caveats.
I am very low myself, fungus lung is a difficult condition and my mood is very low. No movement on the Fins with the Giggalo and he is still pretending that he isn't living with RIT (Maggotroni2).
I have been in tears a great deal just recently, things seem stuck and not moving much. My Fins are so dire and I may go under soon.
A long and difficult convo with aged pa who is very concerned that his little girl (V!) has lost her joy in life. Aged pa was comparing the photos from 5 years ago at the 60 anniversary. I was goofing with aged pa and very happy, it's aged pa favourite photo of pa and V. It made me cry that I am this bloated sad creature these days who is so tearful and afraid. I act as if, and aged pa sees straight though it.
I think this is the lowest I have been in a very long time. Abuse damages and a High Conflict D is costly and damaging.
I am still no contact with the Giggalo although he still gets to me without even trying.
The weight isn't shifting, I sleep only 4 to 5 hours a night and I am lacking energy. Yes it is tough although I think I can cope and I know it's down to me. It's me that is in control of me.
Somehow I find myself falling short.
Mari
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
