Just wanted to bump myself up a bit and rant some....but y'know I think I'm already over it...ON MY OWN!!
This afternoon, D called to check in from Seattle. She said she had dinner with her Dad (H)...twice this week. Said he seemed very good. Talked about me some....referring to "your mother this, your mother that"....she said he was positive and you wouldn't sense we were even Sep. Then she got meloncholy....and said I just don't get why you two can't figure this out. It was hard listening....I just tried to even DB with her some. Validated some, generally supported H's issues, etc. Inside I was feeling all the crap, tho.
Anyway...she also mentioned that she pryed and H told her that he had gone to Florida for a short vac...(just as I had suspected)...and he went with "some people" from work. I took it in quietly....and knew in my heart, the only friends he has at work that he hangs with are female, of course. So I am quite certain that the OW what the one to go with him. Ugggggg! I had a feeling about that. This is when I want to ask him straight out...."So H, did you have funn travelling to Florida with OW??" But, like Wiley said.....he can do as he chooses. Sh*t... it just gets my goat, if you know what I mean. He did cut his trip short....only 3-4 days, I guess, cuz he told D that work issues came up and he had to return.
This is the time when I struggle within....wanting so badly to go into the city and "spy"....just to know where things stand. But if I got caught....or even saw the real truth....where would it get me? closer or farther away from my goal. Really, I fight myself inside 1-2 times ea week with the idea of spying. I stopped that last summer, when I told him I would NOT do that anymore. It just makes my blood boil, when I go there mentally! Didn't I just tell all of you NO MORE CRAZY-MAKING for Mooka.....not too many posts back. Jeez.....that gamet of emotions are right under the surface.
BTW...H left me a VM today, said he has been trying to call to talk in person about his dinners with D, and logistics to her grad. in June. (I've been out a lot the past 2 days). I left him a VM after he calling a few times with the logistics about June flights, etc. He mentioned on his VM that he would be working most of the week-end (eluding to the fact that he is probably NOT coming out on Sat....as he had previously said last Sun. He wasn't fully clear....BUT it was easy to read bewtween the lines. I think I WILL have plans this week-end, even if he suggests getting together. I'm sick of possibly being available.
Just needed to let it fly a little. I'm already better.
