Clarification: My H and the OW are starting a business. He goes over to her house and cooks, never spends the night. They post pictures of what they are creating on instagram. From everything I have been able to find out, the OW is happily married and her h is friendly with my H. I consider her an OW because he spends so much time with her and it looks like he gets the emotional boost from her that he should get from me. Based on the above, is she really considered an OW?
One of my friends wrote this about them so I will steal it and let you read it
Quote:
MLCers touch-n-go because they are insecure and not ready to fully let-go of their former life with you. You are familiar, safe and secure. They reach back to you to make sure you are still there--like a child looking to mom as he sits on the bus for his first day of school. Touch-n-Goes are about testing, information fishing, putting out feelers and reassurance. The MLCer feels guilty and ashamed for causing you pain. Will you accept him, be kind and friendly even though he was not that way to you? They are testing both your forgiveness and acceptance and the integration of the two. Accepting the process of the crisis is different than accepting a person as they are now with their history of mistreatment.
Yes they are hard to deal with. Accept them, lower your expectations to zero and keep living your life.
Hi n2hcke, I am sorry you find yourself here. I've just been reading your sich and I was confused about the OW. You say she is happily married so does that man she isn't aware that your H is in an EA with her and what do you think her H thinks of their relationship?
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Coly23, I am not sure if the OW knows he has an EA with her. I do believe she likes the attention though. I am not sure how much her H knows about what they are doing. I do know that my H has hung out with her and her H a few times. I can't see how he would be okay with my H being over there all the time. It makes me wonder if that is what prompted my H to come back that first time.
H: 48 W: 41 M: 12 D: 10 1st DB: 3/15/16 2nd DB/S: 4/2/16 - H moved out of bedroom False Reconciliation: 7/17/16 - H moved back into bedroom
Cadet, Thank you for the clarification on the touch and go. I do think that is what he had. It confused me because I didn't know that would happen. He is now in full contact with the OW again. What I find interesting is that the OW is the only one posting anything about what they are doing on instagram. Like she has nothing to hide, but he does. This past weekend, I had a wonderful time with my daughter and brother and his family. They were a big help in getting me to a place of strength, at least for the moment as every day is a struggle.
H: 48 W: 41 M: 12 D: 10 1st DB: 3/15/16 2nd DB/S: 4/2/16 - H moved out of bedroom False Reconciliation: 7/17/16 - H moved back into bedroom
Update... I just found out that the OW's H and S are involved in the "business". So it is just me that my H doesn't want involved. Not sure what to make of that.
H: 48 W: 41 M: 12 D: 10 1st DB: 3/15/16 2nd DB/S: 4/2/16 - H moved out of bedroom False Reconciliation: 7/17/16 - H moved back into bedroom
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
I am not sure if the OW knows he has an EA with her. I do believe she likes the attention though. I am not sure how much her H knows about what they are doing. I do know that my H has hung out with her and her H a few times. I can't see how he would be okay with my H being over there all the time. It makes me wonder if that is what prompted my H to come back that first time.
My wife is friends with her OM's wife. The OM's wife actually seems to try to keep them together. It was very confusing for me at first. It took a good MC (she became my IC) to help me figure things out. It's very weird, but there's a history of child sexual abuse (my wife, the OM and his wife) and that seems to be a factor.
That's the very condensed version of my situation, but I hope it helps. If you're H is trying to play the "you're just jealous" or "just friends" card, don't go for it. If he's putting the OW ahead of you, then he's having an emotional affair.
He's home every night, sleeps in the same bed as me. Still wants sex. Sometimes I wish he was still in the other room, he came back after the touch and go. How does one distance themself emotionally when your H is still there?
H: 48 W: 41 M: 12 D: 10 1st DB: 3/15/16 2nd DB/S: 4/2/16 - H moved out of bedroom False Reconciliation: 7/17/16 - H moved back into bedroom
