What should I be doing (Working toward D 9)

[Coconut]

((Coconut)), I wanted to let you know that I am still here. I have not forsaken you. When I read your post, I cried, b/c it expresses the power of betrayal. I cried for you and every spouse who has ever worn these shoes. I cried for my own H, and the pain he endured from my betrayal. You see, he would not talk to me about it. So, I hear it from those that are here on the board. After nine years, it still hurts to know what I did to the one who loved me most.

I can't tell you how to get through it. I feel I am better suited to give advice about the WW. So if I don't have as much to say at this point of your journey....just know that I care very much, and I check every day to see if you have posted.

Sandi2, I've read what I posted 30 times today and it's made me cry every time.. I'm not an artistic type person, but I wrote these emotions out as honest and unfiltered as I could, as I imagine a true artist evokes emotion from their writing by making themselves vulnerable and allow others to see their true self... I have no doubt your H was hurt by what occurred, but knowing the demons you faced and the reluctance you initially had being in the same room with, much less piecing with your H, he also got the best of you when you decided you wanted to Love him.

That is where my WW is lacking, she doesn't have an understanding that everyday isn't going to be roses, that there are things about our spouses that are not going to be attractive and may even be repulsive, but if you don't give up, if you truly WANT to love that person, you will find happiness with the good, and true acceptance of the other things.

It's been many years since I've seen it, but in the movie Good Will Hunting, Robin Williams said that when he thought of his deceased W, the things he remembered most fondly of his W were the things no one else got to share, like Her farts under the covers and how embarrassed she would get. true happiness in M requires getting past the superficial, getting past looking to others for acceptance of who you've chosen, and appreciating getting to share in the "real life" of the person your with, and having someone else know the real you as well...

You've given that and so much more to your H. I truly believe a good person can make bad mistakes, but it takes an exceptional person to not only recognize their mistake, but suffer through their repulsion of someone, knowing that they will do anything to find the Love again.. You are an amazing woman Sandi2, I hope your husband knows how lucky he is to share his life with you. Not to mention the countless number of people you've helped understand their WW, I've said it before, but I'll repeat that I believe God put you through your trials so you could gain the knowledge needed to help so many others..


To everyone else, I appreciate your support, at the present time I'm just fumbling my way through this mess, I'm not in the best place right now so I've been lacking in sharing with others on their threads, but I am reading and will interject when I feel I have something to offer... I will be back to my normal self eventually, but for now I'm grieving and keeping to myself a little.