The Fight for Self II

[CT1118]

Great Dad, Great Man! Proud of you Son! Soooo much faith in you.

You know it Surfer, and thanks.Best sentence I have read all day.

You've been at this for about 6 months. I wonder if/when your feelings will shift about giving up on your W. I think it all hurts so much because you haven't given up on her. DB-ing is to not give up.

ForGump, Actually I've only been at the DB thing for 1.5 months (registered 7/5/16). I was on her lies for the 4 or so before that. But my instincts did serve me well to some degree as I knew from the start I had to fix me. I want to clarify a couple things though: I have no intention of giving up on my WW; I do not view this as waiting, this is me accepting that I have a choice. It behooves my time right now to build the self - if either WW or someone else come into the picture one day, I will be a better person from this experience. Anger may be seem like hurting, but I always viewed it more like a heightened mix of frustration & misunderstanding. On the up side though, I feel like yesterday helped in my anger control - I was so mad it exhausted me physically and mentally. I have really felt it move along today in a way I haven't before and I hope it sticks. Sandi did a pretty tactical move to help me w/ this - she posted a quote of something I said from the night before the restaurant incident that she approved of. It reminded me that I was making progress.

You did pretty well. It seems like the old lady is getting more and more interested in you. But it seems like baby steps. My W hasn't sent me anything like a meme or something to try to induce a laugh...

You're doing a good job of being mysterious as well. She obviously wants your time and is interested in what you're doing, but it may be that she's just a little bored. I'm not really certain as to her status

Mystery while showing that I don't need her is the objective right now. And I don't need her, I do want her, but those are two different things. And I don't want her the way she is...not sure if you recall a post I put up a while about knowing my W was floating around somewhere in the prison of the WW? Anyway, I have successfully made that W bang on the glass and wave once or twice. If, like I said to ForGump, I can get my anger down (or gone b/c is a road block to detaching) I will be even more capable of bettering myself than I am today.

Baby steps indeed sir.