Wow, you have really been doing some internal work on yourself!
I can identify with so much of what you have been posting over the past couple of days, so close to how I have been feeling myself and now today because of it I am continually questioning if reconciling with my h is truly what I want or if he will be able to step up and be the partner I desire to have in my life.
M, choosing to move forward with your life is a great step, you have been working towards this for a long time, healing, growing and understanding yourself and your life is better for it. No one knows what is around the corner, whatever it is, whether your h manages to turn himself around or not, you will be ok and you know this. This is what the journey has been about; finding yourself and the strength you have within you.
Look after yourself m, give yourself time to process what you are currently feeling, let it sit with you for a while before making any new decisions.
