Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 2)

[albac]

This is the toughest question and I know I ask it daily.

Why do I want my W back after all she has done and she doesn't want me.

The answer I have is I don't know that I want her back. I can't distinguish if I really really want her back because I love her or because I was so use to my way of life and the thought of starting again is something I don't want to face. This also leads into do I really love my W and I am I really missing her or is it my ego wanting her to love me to make me feel better.

If I am totally honest with myself towards the time when she left we were both unhappy she was doing lots of things that made me unhappy and in turn me being unhappy made me do things that caused her to be unhappy BUT the point where I thought we would be forced to talk about it and maybe do counseling was the point where she was done and left.

If I could rewind and have another go at all this I would do things so much differently but that's never going to happen. All we can do is get ourselves right be good people, good parents and hope that in time they can see that and want to be a part of it. I really see it that simply now.

I do not want things how they were again. I do not want to spend my life with someone who doesn't love me and I don't want to make someone unhappy. I don't blame OM he will disappear in time and if it wasn't him it would be someone else. My W needs to find her purpose in life and what she wants, maybe she's just not up for marriage.