I've been away for a week....kind of outta touch with the BB...will catch up this afternoon.
Just wanted to share some toughts/ideas for my sitch. I read "Love Must be Tough"(James Dobson)....recommended by many here and especially our own Guru- Wiley. That is great reading. Will re-read a few times, too. Soooo, now I am finally getting that approach, similiar to Michele's teachings...however, making sure we do NOT lose our self respect along the way. I'm starting to get that much better. I have some thoughts re: this approach especially when it comes to sex....or intimacy with our WASs.
In my sitch, when my H was still at home (prior to S), we would have intimacy on a reg. basis. We didn't fully ML, but things got quite steamy between us...and we were even more creative than in the past. A 180 for me....and my C is/was all supportive of this. She often suggested that I act like a camealion (sp?)...go with it, cuz after all we were still M, and H did tell me on many occaisions he was no longer involved with OW.
But, now we have be S for almost 2 months....we've talked by phone 2-3 times/wk, and seen each other for short visits about every 2 weeks. No physical connection....one light hug that I initiated...and he fully responded. Then, I left. Now my question is.....we have a plan to connect and "catch up" this Sun afternoon. He's coming here. No kids around, no plans....just to talk. So, after reading Dobson's book....I'm thinking IF....and I know I leaping here.....but IF my H approaches me sexually...I know his subtle moves....do I get stoic and back off?? Do I respond?? Do I first discuss the R, and see if he's made any changes....is he "unstuck?" This in effect would be a 180 from the last 6-8 months. If he truly is NOT in another R, then I have a feeling...he will be in the mood for sure. I also know, I could be completely projecting here.....and thinking with expectations.....WHICH I AM TRYING OH-SO-HARD TO GIVE UP!!
I do want a game plan, tho, just in case. Wiley....or any of you....got some words of advice? What I think is right and would feel appropriate....is to see how H is that day in our conversation. I know he will bring up our current sitch. It may be more of the same ole thing....still stuck, don't know what H wants in life....unhappy....blah, blah, blah....
In that scenerio....I would not respond at all sexually. Just say something like.."I am enjoying my independence, discovering alot about myself, feeling good about my changes, and now that we are S, am not ready to be intimate on a casual, maintenance basis." I don't know, something like that.
And scenerio #2....if he wants to start re-connecting, see if we have something to work toward....then perhaps we should take it slow. Re-conncet by really dating again and see where things take us sexually. So, then that would mean no sex as well for a while.
I guess I just answered my own questions....rambling on and on. But would still like input from all of you DBers.
BTW, H called me twice while I was leaving town last week on my cell, once in Calif with my friends to tell me the house was ok....wondering how I was doing, to say Happy B-day to my Mom, etc. and saw on caller ID last night he had called (before i got home...tho he leaves no messages) He called this am and we made our plan for Sun. afternoon.
Soooo, now I am finally getting that approach, similiar to Michele's teachings...however, making sure we do NOT lose our self respect along the way. I'm starting to get that much better. I have some thoughts re: this approach especially when it comes to sex....or intimacy with our WASs. 
