You guys are crazy as h3ll. What would you do with a real live flesh-and-blood woman who'd have a decent conversation and enjoy your company? There's no challenge in that! What gives?
I want to be honest with you because I care, don't take it as a negative criticism. You have by far the best situation here in my opinion: 1. You are still able to talk to your wife, she didn't give you a restraining order. 2. You can see your kids periodically and probably you will get shared custody. 3. You have a good job 4. Your wife doesn't look like she has found another man.
Your chances of reconciling are very high and there is a lot of hope in my opinion if you take the high road, and what do you do? You are dating women from Tinder!!! Do you know what this is going to do when your wife finds out? 1. She will want sole custody of the kids 2. It will kill any chances for reconciliation for a long time 3. Your wife will drag you to court for every little thing draining you and herself financially. Is that what you want? Cmon!
Last edited by Cadet; 08/18/1612:54 PM. Reason: edit
Great points made about your current situation and family and there are at least a thousand more.
But do not head down this path. Your feelings are all over the place and very little good can come of this. Ego is in the way here and needs you are looking to meet are not met this way.
There is a reason that the divorce rate is way higher for second marriages than the first.
You are a grown man and will make the final decision here, but brother, my friend, you will be thankful down the road if you heed this advice.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Do you guys really think I have any hope in h3ll with my wife? She basically told me to my face that it's over. And she made it abundantly clear she does not care how much pain I'm going through right now, she wants nothing to do with me. In the marriage, I made a lot of mistakes, and it was due to my lying that this divorce started. But - she is the one who gave up on me, who is causing this trauma to my family. She's the one who has been so selfish and uncaring and downright vindictive in the divorce? I'm supposed to wallow in my pain in the remote chance she will take me back? I deserve to be happy, I've suffered so much already.
Also - a few things. Nothing may come of this new woman. Or, we end up dating but I'm not going to flaunt the new relationship or introduce my children to her or post pics of her on FB. Not that my wife would notice or care anyway. Right now, I feel like I need to let my wife go and live my life.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
The problem is that you're still making it all about you. Through your posts, it seems like you have a problem with dependency. The drugs, the other woman. It took 3 years before my wife even started talking to me. You've been here for barely 3 months.
You can go ahead and go out dating the other woman because it makes you "feel good" the same way the weed did. All you're doing is escaping.
Just my 2 cents.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
And what do you mean I am 'addicted' to the other woman? That's really a stretch. Man if you have to wait 3 years for a woman to even talk to you, I don't even know what to say to that.
Last edited by Cadet; 08/17/1603:27 PM. Reason: combine posts
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
You are right that you need to live your life and let go. I am going out on a limb here and saying that jumping into dating before you are even through the D will only make matters worse for you. Do you think if she catches wind of it that she will make it easy for you? Big picture here. Meeting a momentary need of loneliness to run the risk of having your entire family pulled out from under you?
Not to mention that you indicated the OW for you is in a D herself? C'mon now, I know you know that is a recipe for disaster. What baggage is she carrying? Has she put in the tie to heal, or is she looking to meet a temporary need of loneliness ?
I'm gonna give you some straightforward advice and ask that you back away from the need to be dating so soon. You have a lot of healing to do my brother.
Again, you are a grown man that will make the decision that you need to. I sincerely challenge you from the goodness in my heart to back up a minute. Detox completely from what you have been going through for such a short time and look forward to the future qt, and ask if he won't thank you for healing completely before jumping back in the game and suffering a more permanent injury because you were not in any condition to do return so soon.
You are a bright guy that is battling some severe emotion swings. you can't trust feelings. They move fast. you are on a normal roller coaster of them and making decisions in that mode typically does not turn out well.
I am praying for you. I hope it turns out well. I hope you are able to get to where you need to to live life and move on my friend. Be well today.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I'm pulling for you. I'm here to talk us off the ledge. I know it aint easy, but we both have enough years left in us to be with the right one when we are in the right place.
Take a breath today. Keep up with your gratitudes and hug those kiddos when you see them.
Gotta run for now, but I'm in your corner my friend.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
What would your father do in the situation that you are in? That's a very important question because I find myself acting the same way my father did when my mom had a midlife crisis. Are you going to give up and move on, maybe abandoning your kids and moving to another state? Are you going to fight in court with your wife until complete destruction? Are you going to live parallel lives with your wife as a single? Or are you determined to winning your wife back no matter how long it will take and no matter how much rejection you are going to suffer? You might want to ask yourself those questions now, because everything you do will be based on your answer.
