I can certainly relate to your reoccurring longings for your H and the way things were, thats perfectly normal, I experience them ALL the time and I'm Dd...
Quote: Then I think "whatever...he is on his own search...he has to live with his choice..I will not pursue, I will not appear needy.
Yes, he is on his own search to try and "unstick" himself. So, the natural path that is forged is that he seperates physically, then goes away on a vacation and takes time to himself to see where he's at upstairs and in the heart department. This is perfectly normal for a WA to do..its just the way it is. There isn't much you can do except just go on as you are, stick to what your DB C recommended, and if I might add, MIRROR what he is doing with your own actions, so that it APPEARS that you are on your OWN SEARCH...just like he is..
Quote: His evasiveness is his main talent.
Yes, I'm sure he's very good at that..Guess what, YOU can be just as good at that too, when it comes to your interactions with him..
In terms of strategy, I notice that he ALWAYS knows where you're going when you travel, yet he is somewhat "vague" about his whereabouts when HE goes..
If I were you...I would take a little vacation yourself that DOESN'T revolve around your family..could be a long weekend, 3-4 days whatever. When your H returns from his.., I'd suggest that you off the cuff mention to him that an opportunity came up SOCIALLY and you've decided to go on a little getaway for a few days...and of course be evasive with the details..Then when you CC him on the emails to the kids, you of course don't mention anything about it leading up to the trip, because I get the feeling that normally you would...
Again, just a little weekend getaway, (let him draw his own conclusion as to whether you're going BY YOURSELF, or perhaps...NOT..) just to give the impression that YOU NEED YOUR SPACE, TIME AWAY TO THINK..blah, blah..JUST LIKE HE DOES..
THANK YOU for dropping by again. You always bolster my frame of mind and give me great specifics to move forward with. I think that week-end getaway sounds like a plan. I think I will work really are on the concept of EVASIVENESS ....not natural for me, tho, you are right.
Leveling the playing field, like you so clearly stated in Nik's sitch is the other strategy I will work on.
Again, thanks for checking in....and you, too have a great week-end. (By the way one of my new MFs called and we might go out to a movie in the near future). He is clearly only a MF, not the one I sensed chemistry with. That will be a nice distracton.
I too have gotten lots of advice from your thread too. It is so nice of Wiley and others to keep us in check.
Looks like both of us need a weekend away without our S's knowing the details. Make them wonder alittle. Too bad I am in NC or we could do it together!!
God has blessed you with wonderful kids which is so teriffic!!
I get lots of thoughts too about how "great" things could be, should be etc.. Then I "wake up" and realize their not.
I am going to read the book "Sacred Marriage." It's about M making you into what God wants you to be and not about being "Happy." I thought that can apply to all of us.
Had a high quality week-end with S....he is so considerate and turning out to be such a fine young man. I've got a lot to be thankful for. I've decided to take that perspective for a while. Start appreciating all the great things I do have in my life:
A much stronger Faith, with God by my side I'm healthy I'm educated Great, loving kids A healthy Mom and sister Great, loving & supportive friends Great job and co-workers A warm house Loving dog Airline mileage...to travel of course!!
It's so easy to focus on what we don't have.....it's time to thank God for all we do have. Perspective....and taking one day at a time.
Happy Easter All.....Take a moment and thank God for all you've got!
Just bumping myself up....was hoping for some input from those of you who are on my track.
Had a pretty good day....really have to work on my PMA each and every morning...but with my long walks with the dog and talks with God, it seems to get me on the right track. My day went well. Got a simple email from H...re: taxes, etc....he ended it with hoping I was doing well. Whatever ....
Haven't been posting on my own sitch for a few days.
H called me 4 times yesterday....leaving messages each time to call back. I was quite busy with work and dinner plans, that I didn't get back to him until later last night. I could tell on his last VM, he was getting frustrated at my lack of response... ...too bad...so sad!
I was cheerful when we talked. I thought he was out of town still....but made a comment about being here. I said, "oh, aren't you still on your vac?" He said, "no I had to cut it short....work keeps getting in the way." I said, "Oh that's too bad, I knew you were hoping to get away for a while." He hemmed and hawed.
Then we went on to talk about the taxes, etc. He kept asking if he needed to sign anything else. I said, "no you signed everything we needed a few weeks ago." "oh..ok"
He asked about my travel plans to see old college friends in CA this week, then mentioned he was headed to CA today, too for work. I said, "Oh I'll wave at you in the air" He asked specifics about my flight, airports etc...we will be travelling to different locations. (oh well?!?!)
He said, "let's get together and talk when you get back.' I said, that would be fine. He then asked if I cared if he came to our house this week-end....he wants to go to nearby driving range. (There are plenty of public driving ranges closer to him in the city??) I said, "fine with me....it's your home, too." Then he seemed to want to small talk some more about weather, kids, dog....I joked around a bit and made him laugh. I asked him about using his mileage from work for a personal trip for me this summer with my friends to Italy. He was fine with that....( )...I was surprised, cuz in the past he always called them HIS miles for HIS personal travel. Yeah....I might go on a great trip this June!!!
Well, that's all....I felt really good about the conv...thought I was upbeat, cheerful...DBed...cuz I asked him NO personal questions. I slept much better last night and am now looking forward to my time with college friends for this long week-end.
I can't tell you how encouraged I was to read how WELL YOU HANDLED YOURSELF during your recent interactions...You're doing EXACTLY what you should be doing, sounding UPBEAT, NOT PRESSURING, ACTING HAPPY JUST THE WAY THINGS ARE, NOT PRYING, NOT BEING TOO ACCESSIBLE, BEING NICE yet not TOO EXCITED when he wants to.."come to the driving range near the house.. "..
See what happens when simply REMOVE PRESSURE from the sitch and just act loose and confident and start MOVING FORWARD?..somebody naturally starts to WONDER and of course tries to stick his foot in the door rather than CLOSE IT...
hey mooka - what a fab conversation with your H - well done you the lame excuses to prolong conversation, wanting to come home etc means he is thinking of you a lot - yeah i need your inspiration, my sitch is in the toilet a bit today in any case, have a great weekend, mooka. lots of love, slowly
in any case, have a great weekend, mooka. lots of love, slowly