Feel so lost and confused, I feel like I don’t know where I am or where I want to go, how do I get out of this daze? My sons world is going to be turned upside down, I could stop that by staying were I am, but how do I manage being around her, how do I keep the anger and hurt at bay?
On one hand I relish the freedom, I can leave or I can stay, I’ve always wanted to live in the country and now I have the chance. But do I leave my Son, am I unable to heal without disappearing, am I even able to heal if I do. Will going just make me wish they were there to share in the adventure, will I enjoy it without someone there? But the anger, I’ve never felt such anger, it boils up in me and makes me want to unleash my fury. The pain I feel, it feels so unfair, I want to make her hurt too, but doing so doesn’t take it away from me. I’ve been mean, I’ve been nice, but nothing feels right, I don’t even know what right is anymore.
How do you heal when the person that holds your heart shatters it, how do you get past the indifference to the love that you shared, was it ever real???? How could she do what she did and kiss me hello or goodbye… I want to get away, get as far away from it all as possible, but will it come with me, if it is in me how do I get it out? Do I face it head on, or hide and hope it doesn’t find me, I just want it to go away but no matter how much I wish it away it keeps coming back.
((Coconut)), I wanted to let you know that I am still here. I have not forsaken you. When I read your post, I cried, b/c it expresses the power of betrayal. I cried for you and every spouse who has ever worn these shoes. I cried for my own H, and the pain he endured from my betrayal. You see, he would not talk to me about it. So, I hear it from those that are here on the board. After nine years, it still hurts to know what I did to the one who loved me most.
I can't tell you how to get through it. I feel I am better suited to give advice about the WW. So if I don't have as much to say at this point of your journey....just know that I care very much, and I check every day to see if you have posted.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
