Have to keep making the changes

[SH_]

PART 1
FEAR-How will you overcome it and be the man only a fool will leave?

Hi yes still around and thinking how to move in a direction

I go round and round in circles hoping to find something different and it s not happening do I really have to sell my family home and move away from my children for half the week ....is this the only way out of this mess

Sh thank you for posting I think I am getting closer to trying the water but my fear is stopping me
Thank you

Ghost

Hi Ghost.
I am glad that you are still hanging around here. I was a little worried that I ran you off with my bluntness.

How many more circles do you need to go around in before you know this is the cheeseless tunnel?
Selling your house and spending 50% of the time with your children are not a way out of the mess.
Getting up and taking care of yourself and following the advice of successful DBer's, MWD advice and DB principles are the way out.
Selling a house may be a part of the process.
Quality time with your children may enhance relationships for your entire family. The quantity of time is really a blurred line when you look at it. You do not spend 100% of your time with them now. In my experience (and it has been a sad way to learn the lesson) my time with my D's now is 1000 times more quality and appreciated by me and them than ever before. I would not have believed that if you told me that 6 months ago.
Guess what?
Someone did tell me.
I had to try it.
And now I know from experience that things can be better. You need to trust those that have moved forward and are telling you to drink the water. it may not be perfectly to your taste now, but in time it will be sweeter and more healthy for you.

The point is, you know things are not good now.
What do you have to lose at this point trying another way?

thank you for posting I think I am getting closer to trying the water but my fear is stopping me

I debated with myself as to whether I should take another go at sharing with you and encouraging you to stand up, take a step and break the cycle of defeat you are in.
I feel inspired to share some things I have been studying and working to change for myself and it is actually based in my own "fears". Now I place the word fears in quotations as I know that it is not real. It is a block that I place on myself and confuse with feelings that my body produces in an attempt to protect me. The problem is, that my body and brain are confused with what actually protects me and what really helps me grow.

Now my goal is to keep this brief and to the point, but bear with me as there are some important points that you need to know and then ponder.

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice.” Will Smith

G, please stop the insanity.
Are you seeing an IC?
Have you seen an MD about AD's?
Are you seeking out actionable things to implement for your mindset?

Look up the Ted Talk Why you don't get what you want; it's not what you expect by Jennie Vilhauer
Look up the Ted Talk When your mind works against you by Ted Powell
Look up the Ted Talk Emotional First waif by Guy Winch

For crying out loud G!! It is way past time that you do something different than you have been doing for so long and get yourself together.
No more victim mentality.
It is time to create a Victors Mentality.

Look up Brendon Burchards You Tube vid about analysis paralysis.
He points out one of the reasons you get trapped in that analysis paralysis mode is, Selfishness.

It is time to stop looking at yourself and start looking outward to whom you can serve.
Lets start with serving your children. How are they going to learn to be self confident if daddy is moping around about life. How are they going to get the things they need from a loving father if you are always down on yourself.
I am not telling you anything new here, you know there is only one thing in this universes that you can control and that is you!
Your attitude, your actions your thoughts.
No more sitting around saying, "I hope I can get to a good place" "I hope I can do it" "I hope someone will love me"
It is time to say "I will get to the good place" "I will do it", "I will love myself".

Get it together man!!!!

No more 2x4's for you my friend. You have become immune to them. This is a sledgehammer that is meant to knock you out so you can wake up with amnesia about all that you are letting stay in your mind and defeat you.

Get up and do something about your situation. DO something about you!

Peace be with you my friend. There are people counting on you. Don't let them down.

Did you watch the remaining Ted Talks?
Are you seeing an IC?
Have you seen an MD about AD's?
Are you seeking out actionable things to implement for your mindset?

G, I perceive that you are focused not he BIG decisions and paralyzed by your fear.
I asked if you are doing the little stuff that will heal and strengthen you? I have not seen that much in your threads.

Please print out what I sent you on the 20th and review it daily and incorporate small steps everyday.
I would encourage you do the same for your attempts and weight loss. you have mentioned it has been a struggle for you.
Here is a secret that I learned that I am encouraging you to try.

Start small, make it a habit, stick to it, embrace the pain, their are no shortcuts, recognize the mile posts, recommit each and every day.

G, I tried special diets, workouts, and fads for over 20 years and just kept gaining weight.
Just over 2 years ago, I got sick and tiered of being sick and tired and so I followed the secret to a T. It was fear that was stopping me.
Fear I could not do it.
Fear it was just in my genes to be over weight.
Fear of hurting or not eating what I wanted.
FEAR FEAR FEAR of failing.
Well, when I dropped the fear and focused not he little things,
I dropped 60 pounds and am more fit than I have ever been.
I did not use short cuts. I did not beat myself up when I slipped up, I did not work out or eat perfect all of the time, but I did start small, stay consistent and forgave myself when I slipped up and then re committed myself.
And in hindsight, this pattern may have saved me in my BD and the dark place I hit for several months. (Have you read my story?)
I have had to apply the same principles and steps to my mental health, my relationships and my over all well being.

I am not here to toot my horn, but I share this because friend, I feel drawn to your story, because I see way to much of me in you and your story.
Your struggles appear to not have to do anything with you W. They are deeply rooted inside of you. This is not attractive to anyone,much less your W. Hell, are you attracted to you? Be honest? I was not attracted to me. When I realized this, then I had to ask, How the heck can she be attracted to me. I had to work on that and I am making great strides. A long ways to go, but I am applying the secret up there.

When I first came to this community, things were slipping fast with my sitch. I read your story first. Yes, I remember it clearly. Your story scared the sh!t out of me. the depressive, sad, desperate and low self esteem person I read scared me to death. I jumped right out of this forum and ran, because I was looking for hope. I did not see that as I saw myself in you and thought, I was doomed because i did not believe I could make the changes in myself needed to survive.
Now things continued to decline in my sitch, and I felt driven back here and fortunately I fond some other stories that gave me hope and folks that I saw could support ad guide me and I am glad I returned as I say I was saved by the support and advice shared with me.
I believe this is why I want to lend you the same support and encouragement.
Hopefully you can take that to heart and know that if I can do it, than by golly you can to. You just have to stand up and start taking one step at a time.

This post got long, so hopefully you are still reading it and I am going to share the FEAR info in a new post so read that one as well my friend.
Please ponder these thoughts
Reply with what you can do to get moving.
You can do this!!!