10 Years Later - From a DB'er

[Georgiabelle]

HI Don,

I just stumbled across this thread and *this* is one of my favorite topics. You have received some stellar feedback from some of my favorite posters (Hi MB, KML and Ginger!!! Here is my 2 cents or maybe it is actually a nickel's worth...For what it is worth, I OLD for exactly 3 weeks and met my NG thru a friend. However, I have many, many friends who OLD.

OLD kind of creates a shopping cart mentality and a perception of choice. Yeah, you get a lot of people to look through and you certainly can meet people that you would not normally meet. The reality is that *some* people have a checklist. Yes, we should all have dealbreakers but I wonder when my 40 yr old friend who really wants to get married and have kids doesn't like guys under 6ft tall. She all of 4'11. And I wonder, if you have a great relationship and this person sticks by you, are you going to say on your deathbed that I wish Z was taller? However, you can't change what people are "looking for." They will either compromise or not and some people will be alone at the end of the party. I also think OLD *can* create the impression for some people that "there is always something better." Again, most of those peeps aren't probably really R material anyway.

Everyone is spot on that people show you who they are pretty early. No one likes rejection. Nope. Not at all. I readily admit that while I am probably considered conventionally attractive(as many, many people are so I hope I don't sound like I'm all about myself) by society (I have a death grip on cute and I feel like it's on the farewell tour 2016), I have been rejected. Lots. Or at least I perceived it as rejection. Please don't take these things personally. It certainly doesn't mean you aren't attractive-it just may mean other people are looking for something else. Don't spend too much time thinking about that. I know it stings. Trust me. I do. However, if you dwell on what's not happening, it will make it more challenging to make things happen.

There are many flaky people out there. You just have to accept that culturally it is common and not get bogged down in thinking you are the cause of it.

In regards to lowering standards, this is my very humble opinion. We should all have things that are important to us. However, as I have gotten older and at this stage (and just like everyone else here, I had no idea I would be dating again) there are certain things that aren't as big of a deal. Like I used, to want to make sure I got my Dad's approval when it came to a mate. My dad passed away 3 years ago. I have to use my own instincts to know that "yes, Dad would like this guy!" and use best judgment. Well, because I'm the one in the R

Please remember this. Just because someone is on a dating site, does not mean they are looking for a R. They may be seeking a hook up, simple companionship, and/or just *seeing what is out there.* I have many, many close male friends. I'm well versed in what is out there and I am grateful to have that.

I know some people who have success in OLD and some who have met many nice people, but nothing has materialized into anything serious. Work on being your best self. What Ginger said is spot on^^^^^. The don'ts come across as negative. I'm sure it can get frustrating and just remember this. Just like in DBing, have zero expectations. We don't control how people behave or respond. I can very honestly tell you I have NEVER had a bad date. Why? Because I knew if I went I would have fun-not necessarily because of the other person, rather that I was going to enjoy myself as much as possible.

Hang in there!