Out of in house S - On My Own (11)

[vise82]

Hey,

W asked me to look after the boys on her two days. this is getting to be a trend now. I couldn't as I had plans the sunday and the Monday I work. She wanted me to take a vacation day to look after them.

I said no I have to work. She told me to never ask her or her parents for help. I told her not to be a baby, If I could look after them I would (I am taking her next sat to look after the boys for her).

I also asked for her written permission to let the boys see there new cousin as per our S agreement. She has ignored the request.

I also told her I can not trust her as she hid the fact that my brother had a baby form me. She said she did not tell me because we were S. As if that makes it right?

I also picked up mouth guards from the dentist for the kids. I thought it would be ok if I paid for one and for the other one I used the joint account that was still open and she has been using.

I let W know what I did, saves having to collect money from her. She tells me she is going to get my name off the account and that we don't need a joint account.

I tell her as per the S agreement that it should have been closed and money left divided in half. But because shes been using that account for her bills the money that we are getting for children benefits has been mixed in with her money and house money when we were living together and has made a mess of it. I have not received any of it.

Basically I told her all this and it was good to get it off my chest. She is going to use that account now and will take my name off of it and I was ok with that.

Its just with so little communication this stuff builds up and then it needs to be talked about.

Also had the kids tell me W told them they are going to visit W guy friend and he has a teenage son and they will get to ride dirt bikes with him.

I asked kids the guys name. They did not know it. So it looks like she is dating and has got serious enough for her to let him meet the kids. She has not told me about this guy. Its the guy from my W best friends wedding, the best man. He is over 10 years older then her. This is the first guy that was available to her, short of the unavailable gay neighbor.

At first I was mad about finding out this way. But I have not confronted W about it. It is not 100 % yet. I thought it would devastate me but it did not, It has just helped me detach. I want her even less now and all the work I have been doing to detach was worth it. She has been asking me to look after the kids for her days more now and I know why, its to be with him more.

It all makes sense now. I am afraid her heart is for OM now and I feel like there is nothing for me here. I feel like I have nothing to fight for. I have accepted it. She has no interest in me and I have no interest in someone that is has no interest in me.

I feel like there is nothing I can do to change her mind, I just need to focus on me and my boys. Keep out of her way. Don't bend to help her if It is not good for me. My confidence has been good, I look the best I have in years. I am more knowledgeable about R then I have ever been. I have changed. When the time comes I know there is an awesome girl out there for me. Fukc her for dragging me down, I am better then this, I deserve better then this. She is going to look back and question why she ever left me. I am the catch. I am the guy only a fool would leave.

She has done no work on herself. She is the same and I feel for the poor guy that is with her. Her idea of change is a mommy make over. That is her focus right now. She does not get it. I loved her completely including all her flaws, including the physical flaws. One day she will realize what she has done to they family she had, the chance she lost at making it right.

I have waited for her for over a year. I am just not waiting anymore. I am worth more that that.