I am very sorry that your h is still out to lunch and isn't stepping up to the plate when it comes to the responsibilities of being a father. Expectations have a way of disappointing us when someone doesn't met them. You are an excellent mother and even though your h is still somewhat in the picture, you are still hoping he'll step up w/o you having to ask him. Your h is still very much in his depressive fog and only thinks of himself and when it comes to responsibilities, well...that's no on his plate, per se.

I do think that the truth darts are effective, but notice how he takes you down memory lane and continues to bring up when you left and then returned, etc. He's stuck on that and he will be for a while. He most likely felt abandoned when you moved out and it's going to take him a while to get over that, i.e., just like a child. You can talk to him until the moon turns blue, but he's still playing the same old song of pity me. You can't reason w/someone who isn't completely on the same page w/you. For now, he's pretty much "tone deaf" and he truly isn't listening to what you are saying about all that you do. Sure, he has offered to do things...but only if you ask him to do them just like a teenager. Some of them are hesitant to offer because they are afraid of being shot down.

I wouldn't rehash why you moved out, etc. w/him again. You've stated your reasons for doing so several times now and it's time to put that subject to bed.

Can you get through this because of so much hurt? I think you can once he gets thru his crisis.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.