My Wife Walked Out 5

[Coconut]

I SO BADLY want to tell her good, church going Christian friends that their good friend is a slut. WITH ZERO GUILT OR REMORSE. SO BADLY. She doesn't want to "involve" them so they can keep thinking she's a good but "confused" woman in a "tough spot" and keep her reputation, as CT noted. I just can't do that to my boy, and logically I know I shouldn't before any D were to happen.

Time to feel real consequences.

Wow, this post is so me.. i will just warn you of this, once you go down the road of outing A and murdering WW reputation, I don't think there is much chance of reconciliation... Although the immediate affects do satisfy the need for revenge, it is very short lived and in the grand scheme of things doesn't help you heal..

I think if you find yourself needing to let it out and let her have it, then say it directly to her. It will set you way back in the DB journey, but it doesn't do permanent damage to possible reconciliation... But again, the gratification is short lived and when the WW doesn't change anything in the long run, even though you let her know how you feel about what she's doing, you start to build anger/resentment again. I don't regret letting my WW have a piece of my mind, but I also don't think it did anything to help me..

[RSG]

Haha thanks. No offense taken. I'm not doing it of course. My Son will grow up to love, cherish and honor family and not to quit at the first signs things are a little difficult. "Never go against the family." She's hanging around in the sewer right now, and is quite content to do so. This is what plan B feels like I guess. Thinking you've made a little progress, only to figure out you've been TOO NICE.

Coconut, you're dead set on a divorce. They deserve to hear it. All of it. At least once. I hear the logic in what you say, that's why I haven't called her out. As for killing her reputation, that's a post D choice only. And it's not really killing her reputation, it's bringing to the light of day what she's been hiding and embarrassed to show for ages.

Tomorrow will be a big test as I can feel the questions coming already during dropoff, but I have a plan and I intend on sticking to it. I can feel the "why didn't you text me about his night" coming already lol.

[RSG]

RSG: keep up the good work. If she's already pushing boundaries with 'saying hello' and 'family pictures'-- it's only going to get more intense (like a sunburn).

Thanks for this warning. I'm ready. I've been standing up to her more and more, calling out the BS, saying no, etc. As Sandi says, they don't give up easily. I don't just want to have my stuff firmly back in place, I want brass ones!

[albac]

Haha RSG,

brass sounds good to me! Keep it up!

[RSG]

Haha RSG,

brass sounds good to me! Keep it up!

It takes brass balls to sell real estate. I hope I'm not the only one who knows that quote!

Realizing how hard this is. Affairs last roughly 6-15mos. All I know is this one is less than 6. Going on a day by day basis, she's very confused by my calmness and boundary enforcement. Between the temp check the other day, and asking if we're done today I know some seeds of doubt are being sewn. More temp checks are coming. More bait. More stupid requests, believing I'm always available to her. More treating me as her friend crap.

Got my plan worked out. Gonna stick to it. Tough love.

[albac]

RSG,

That's all you can do. To be honest her asking those questions makes me think you have some hope of something in the future. In my sitch the more time goes on and although my W instigates a lot of contact and is very nice to me I think it's all guilt and pity.

Yours sounds like she's checking because she doesn't want to lose you. I think my W was done the day she left. She wasn't having an A she found someone 6 months later started dating and told me about it. I believe I am done but only time will tell.

I hope your W comes to her senses realizes she is losing you and wants to work things out. Stay strong.

[RSG]

Thanks for the vote of confidence albac, sorry you seem so distraught though.

Well, we all expected it! The frantic loss of control has already stared. 8:08 "Can you confirm 5PM at church to pickup S?" I saw it, did my early morning routine, did some work, my boss asked me to check on some stuff. As I did this, texts start flying in. "Please let me know." "????????" "Please answer" "Just Y/N confirmation" "Why are you treating me this way? You said we're not a family, I respect that but we both are parents" "Please stop this" "Are you busy?" "Why are you being this ugly?" "I'm asking nothing but about S" "Are you ok?" "Come on please answer"

!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow. About 45 mins later I say 4:50 should be good. "Why are you treating me like this? I do deserve that answer. Forget it, thanks for responding, I'll have your key."

A few mins later "I was working, used the toilet, etc"
"OK thanks for responding"

Damn. These reflect control issues, right? I mean, comparing a "late" text to adultery, destruction of family, lies lies and more lies, etc? Lolz.

[hawker]

Good job RSG!!! Sounds like control issues to me, wondering why YOU are being so UGLY...Lol...what is adultery???

[lt0402]

Damn. These reflect control issues, right? I mean, comparing a "late" text to adultery, destruction of family, lies lies and more lies, etc? Lolz.

Yep, seems like it's her feeling the loss of control. Our Ws seem to take whatever tact they can to retail the control. It's got to be difficult for them as they lose it.

Love the comment about the toilet by the way RSG!

[RSG]

Hawker, adultery is a synonym for infidelity. I prefer it, because it's more blunt.

LT, I thought the English posters might like that. My best friend is English, over the decade I've known him I've started using some English expressions or terms on a regular basis.


Dropoff lasted a whole 5 minutes. She rolled up and told S, "there's Daddy." We got out around the same times, and I walked past her in order to get to S and helped him get out of his seat. She of course asked, "Why are you being so mean?" "How was I being mean?" "Not answering my texts?" Of course, I did answer. Just not in the time frame she desired or expected. But S was in my arms and, not only did he agitate to get down he also started talking and I just listened to him.

She saw the pic I printed at work and said "If I knew yours was so big I would've printed a big one too!" I just told her I didn't really know how to use the color printer at work and didn't want to print more than one pic. (Not really supposed to use it lol) Got him in the car, we were about as close as we've been in months (about a foot or two between us) and spoke about school. She said I should check Osh Kosh for some clothes, and I said ok. She also said something like "just give the pic to his teacher tomorrow, she'll put it up. It's a family lesson I think, I'm having my kids do something similar. You'll see the one of he and I, not that you'll care."

I acknowledge, and walk to my door. Before I can close it, she asks if I saw the pic she sent at the pool while they were there for about an hr after she picked him up. "Yes, I saw it. Did he have fun?" "Yeah. I think, yeah he had fun." Not sure what the pause was, but I just said good I'm glad. She then said, if you could text me tonight that would be great.

No temp check, but the "you won't care" thrown in there about the pic with her/him means something. I'm just not sure what lol. Her continued use of the word "mean" to describe not being her buddy and having chats about S is obnoxious. I just don't see how she could possibly handle a D if she can't go one night w/o freaking out about me not texting about what he was doing. I can handle one at this point, but don't want it.....

I reckon I'm detaching. I looked at her and didn't feel anything. I looked her in the eyes, remained pretty aloof and was the first one to try to leave. The funny thing is, one thing that comes into my mind many nights is about being physical with her again if we get back together. (Not just the act, but being close, smiles, kisses, I love yous, etc) I honestly think I've done an amazing job compartmentalizing how I feel. She's attractive (minus the goofball hair!), and I'd look her up/down if it were possible w/o her seeing. But I don't FEEL anything. I think if she were to do or say something loving, I might melt. Or at least show my cards more than I'd like....